-
Leo: Phoebe, can I talk to you a minute?
(Piper blows up Leo)
Leo: What did you do that for?
Piper: Like hell, you're bringing those muddy shoes in my house.
(Leo looks at his shoes.)
-
Leo: Look, Piper I need you to help me find Paige.
Piper: I'm not talking to her 'till she cleans up her room.
-
Phoebe (to Spencer): You know what? You're a turkey. And turkeys don't write columns!
(Throws potion, and Spencer turns into a turkey)
Phoebe: But they do make delicious dinners.
-
(Paige as Jessica)
Paige: Nose job, I should've guessed.
-
Phoebe: What are those?
Piper: Slip covers, to keep the furniture clean. Although, I've come to the conclusion that we should probably just stand from now on.
-
Paige: I don't blame you guys if you never trust me.
Glen: It's not that we don't trust you...
Jessica: Uh! I don't trust her.
-
(Paige walks furiously into the house)
Paige: He's getting married, that dirty rat!
Piper: Who?
Paige: Glen. He's getting married to some bimbette he met climbing the Matterhorn.
Piper: At Disneyland?
Paige: No! Switzerland!
-
Phoebe: Let go of me, I have to kill Spencer!
Paige: You named the turkey "Spencer"?!
Piper: That's no turkey, I think that's Spencer Ricks!
-
Witch Doctor: My work here is complete. Your house has been cleansed.
He disappears
Piper (looks at the messy furniture): Hmm. Doesn't look very "cleansed" to me!
-
(After Piper's lipstick, and Paige's car keys are missing, Leo can't help but to suspect the Witch Doctor may have taken them)
Leo: Hey, a picture's missing.
Piper: What?
Leo: Yeah. The one with you and Phoebe, Paige. Went right here.
Piper: Maybe it fell out.
Leo: No, it was glued in.
Piper: Uh, come on, why would he want a picture of us?
Leo: I don't know, I'm not a Witch Doctor. All I'm saying is, he obviously wanted it for something.
Phoebe (off-screen): Hey! Who stole my toothbrush?
(Piper and Leo look at each other, they realize that something's wrong)
Piper: I'll go make the summoning potion…
Leo: I'll go check with the Elders…
-
Leo: I'm sorry Glen, but this… this isn't what you think it is.
Glen: Oh no? So this isn't Paige's brother-in-law trying to ruin my wedding?
Paige (as Jessica): That's what it looks like to me.
Leo: Paige!
Glen: Did you just call her Paige?
Leo: Look, Glen, you know about this family, you know what sort of wacky things can happen. Can we just go somewhere and talk?
Glen/Paige (as Jessica): No!
-
Piper (looks at the kitchen window): Are those water spots? (blows up the window) Much better.
-
Paige (after seeing the TV that the witch doctor broke while cleansing the house): Oh. Guess I'm not watching 'The Osbournes' tonight.
-
Paige: I don't know what he sees in her. She's not his type, at all. She's...blonde!
-
Witch Doctor: Now, where's the evil?
Piper: Uh... here, there... everywhere.
-
Leo: Witch doctors are kind of a wild card, that's why the Elders don't want us working with them!
Piper: Well sometimes we don't want to work with the Elders, so we're even.
(Paige snickers)
-
Witch Doctor: You ever vanquished a demon in this house, by any chance?
Phoebe (laughs): Oh, only about a hundred.
Piper: Give or take.
Phoebe: Another hundred.
-
(The girls summon a witch doctor who is wearing a suit)
Paige: Are you a witch doctor?
Witch Doctor: Lemme guess. You were expecting a bone through the nose, and a shrunken head necklace, perhaps?
Phoebe: Yeah, actually, yeah, yeah.
Witch Doctor (sighs): You know, you make this huge effort to change with the times, but it's always the stereotypes that persist.
-
Piper: Is that a wedding dress?
Paige: You just noticed?
-
Piper: Oh my god, you made a mess!
Phoebe: Where are the feathers?
-
Leo: Ok, wait, stop. I can't let you do thi.. (Paige orbs out and back in behind him) Should have seen that coming.
-
Paige: Piper what you'd do with the house?
Piper: I thought it would be better if I start from scratch.
-
Leo: Paige where is Jessica?
Paige: Hell if I know.
-
Jessica: What happened?
Paige: You pissed off a witch. That's what happened.
-
Piper: Yeah, actually. Take her to the attic and keep her away from that turkey.
Phoebe: Yeah, take me to the turkey.
-
Phoebe: Piper, just so you know, I may have to flee the country, but just for a little while. And I will call you, okay.
Piper: Oh, no you don't, Missy. There will be no fleeing the country until you clean up after yourself.
Phoebe: No-no-no-no-no, I'm sorry, I can't. I'm possessed.
Piper: That is not an excuse!
-
Phoebe (to Spencer Ricks): You know what? You are a turkey. And turkeys don't write columns. (She turns him into a turkey) But they do make delicious dinners.
-
Paige (to Piper): You can't just vanquish an entire house! Especially not our house! People are gonna notice...
-
Phoebe: Where there is yin, there is a yang!
-
Phoebe (as she tries to herd in Spencer Ricks as a turkey): A little help here.
Piper: What are you doing with that thing?
Phoebe: Well, first I'm going to kill it and then I'm going to stuff it.
Piper: You are not bringing that filthy thing in the house.
Phoebe: Oh, yes I am. Thanksgiving is early this year.