Charmed Season 5 Episode 11

Kaia (disguised as Phoebe, after Piper goes to get her some tea): Tea. Who drinks tea?

Cole: I'm so sorry I had to involve your work. I just needed you distracted while I ruined Piper's club and put Paige in jail.
Phoebe: Paige is in jail?

(The Health Inspector stamps "Condemned" on the paperwork for Piper's club)
Piper: Oh no, no, no. Don't do that. Come on, you've gotta give me another chance.
Health Inspector: And why is that?
Piper (she looks up while not knowing what to say): Because…because…because…
Leo: Because we've been in business nearly four years, and we haven't failed an inspection yet.
Health Inspector: Well, I'd have to disagree with that Mr. Wyatt. You failed two this week.
Piper: Yeah, but this week has been bad, like, strangely bad, and we'll have the plumbing fixed tomorrow, so…can you just come back then?
Health Inspector: Well, your record has been impeccable until now… (he looks down and sees a rat) Whoa! Hello! (Piper gasps) Rats too.
Piper: No! no, we don't have rats. We… they don't live hear! They're just… they're just trying to ruin my life!

Paige (to Phoebe, about Kaia): Wait a second. So you're gonna pretend to be her pretending to be you?

(Leo orbs Phoebe in front of their house where Piper and Paige are standing)
Piper: Hi.
Paige: We're really sorry.
Piper: Yeah. We're sorry.
Paige: Sorry.
Piper: Are you ok?
Phoebe: It's ok. It's ok. I'm ok. I'm not mad. Well, maybe I'm a little bit mad. I mean, what took you guys so long? And what happened to my powers?
Leo: Uh, well, she looked like you.
Paige: And at the hospital you said you were tempted and that you didn't want us to vanquish him.
Piper: Then we saw you making out with Cole and we all got a little panicky.
Phoebe: Excuse me. Did you really think I was making out with Cole?
Paige (with a guilty face): We mentioned we were sorry?

(After Piper removed Phoebe's powers)
Leo: So, you can't levitate?
Kaia (as Phoebe): No. Apparently not. That means the spell worked, right?
Piper: I don't know. You're still kinda weird. Maybe the spell had a side effect?
Kaia (as Phoebe): Or maybe I just feel sick because I had to kiss Cole.
Piper: Ah. That's my girl.

Paige: Ok. Where are they? Where are the demons?
Phoebe: Sorry my sweeties, but they're all dead.
Piper: You didn't even leave us one?
Phoebe: There's one left, believe me, there is one left.

Phoebe: You just don't get it Cole, do ya? I thought you were dead and I felt nothing. No pain, no love, nothing. I'm free. And when we do vanquish you and...we will, I'll never look back.

Cole: You know Kaia, I haven't killed you yet because I find you mildly entertaining, but soon the real Phoebe will be by my side. I'm not so sure she'll feel the same way. So, in interest of survival, I suggest you make yourself scarce.

Phoebe: Do you think eye of newt would work on the woman who's trying to sue me?
Paige: Is she demonic?
Phoebe: Well, she's demonically stupid.

(Phoebe opens Cole's office door angrily)
Phoebe: You slimy son of a bitch!
Cole: Phoebe, is that you?
Phoebe: What? Are you evil and blind? Yeah, it's me. Look. Why don't you admit that you're behind this? Admit it so that I can to use magic to fight you!
Cole: I don't know what you're talking about.
(Phoebe shuts the door and goes closer to Cole's desk)
Phoebe: Look, Cole. My career is the most important thing to me. So is that your plan to take it away from me so that I come running to you for comfort?
Cole: Phoebe, I love you, and I don't know what's going on, but maybe I could help. Would you like me to kill someone for you. Your boss, perhaps?
(Phoebe scoffs, gets very angry, and starts shoving the papers on his desk all over the place)
Cole: Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey!
(Phoebe stops shoving)
Phoebe: I might not be able to use magic, but-
Cole: You're sexy when you're mad, you know that? I can't wait until I get to kiss you again.
Phoebe: Cole, I will never be with you again. I hate you. I hate you. You get that?
Cole: Hate is good. It's passionate. Intense. It's...it's...it's a breath away from love!
(Phoebe laughs and Cole smiles back. There is a brief pause, then Phoebe stops laughing and shoves a little more of Cole's papers. She then storms out of Cole's office.)
Cole: Ah. She's great.
(Phoebe slams the door shut)

Piper: Darryl, have you heard from Paige? Because she was supposed to come straight home from the hospital but-
Darryl: Paige is in jail. We tried to call you, but-
Piper: What? What for? What for?!
Darryl: Reckless endangerment and felony hit-and-run.
Piper: What?
(Paige suddenly orbs in)
Paige: (notices Darryl) Oops.
Darryl: You have got to be kidding me.
Piper: Paige, Darryl said you were in jail.
Paige: Oh, I am. I mean, I was-I will be, just as soon as I figure out what demon is doing this to me.
Darryl: You just disappered from jail?
Paige: No. I put pillows in the bed first. It always worked at my parents' house.
Darryl: Paige!
Paige: What? You weren't gonna help me so I had to help myself. Whether you believe it or not, there is a demon behind this.
Darryl: At two o'clock, they're gonna come get you for your bail hearing. If you're not there, that's my ass. Everybody knows we're friends. They're gonna think I just let you go.
Paige: I will be there at two o'clock.
(Darryl leaves)
Piper: See ya.
Paige: Okay. He hates me.

Kaia (disguised as Phoebe): You don't deserve him.
Phoebe: How many times do I have to tell you I don't want him.
(Phoebe attacks Kaia/Phoebe and she blocks Phoebe's kicks and punches)
Kaia (mocking Cole): I want the real Phoebe, I love the real Phoebe. You'll never be as good as the real Phoebe. (They continue to fight and Kaia/Phoebe throws Phoebe against a mirror. Phoebe falls to the floor) What do you think, witch? Am I as good as you? (She pulls out a knife) Or better?
(Phoebe gets up)
Phoebe: Okay, alright, look, I'm sure we can talk about this.
Kaia/Phoebe: I don't think so. See... (she morphs into Kaia) I'm more of a looker than a talker.
Phoebe: Oh, you're blonde. I should've known.

Piper: Hello! He had you mummified!
Kaia (as Phoebe): Whoa, seriously?

Piper (trying to figure out why Phoebe was making out with Cole): Now Phoebe, try and focus. Does Cole have you under some kind of spell?
Kaia (pretending to be Phoebe): Maybe.
Piper: Maybe? Maybe is good! Because magic we can fight. Lust, desperation, insanity we cannot fight, but magic we can fight!

Cole: Please, sweetie, just trust me on this one, I don't want you getting hurt trying to escape.
Phoebe: All right, don't call me sweetie. You can't hold a person prisoner and then call them sweetie.

Piper (about Phoebe): I say we go in there and pull her out by her hair!

Paige: Leo, we saw Phoebe and Cole's tongues locked, hands groping all over each other.
Leo: Okay, didn't need the visual.

Leo: (about Phoebe kissing Cole) Maybe she's under a spell. Or…maybe there was some information that she wanted and she was using sex as a tool.
Piper: I like the sound of that. Slutty and manipulative. Better than evil any day.

Kaia (as Phoebe, as she searches through Phoebe's room): Knife in the panty drawer...my kind of girl!