We never do find out what Rebecca does about her being in the obit section of the newspaper.
Carla: Hey Cliff, when you were in the hospital did they give you a lobotomy? I mean it suits ya.
Woody: Sam's giving Dr. Sternin driving lessons.
Cliff: Shouldn't he be giving her personality lessons. (gets shocked)
Frasier: Where is Mr. Clavin?
Nurse: He was just discharged.
Frasier: Oh great! Just my luck. (Cliff walks in behind him) I'm the one who gets to run all over town to find a stupid card for the idiot Clavin and he isn't even here. (Turns around and sees Cliff) Just a token of how much we care.
Norm: Yeah, why wasn't it the stupidest?
Frasier: Well frankly it lacks meaningless statistics and inane historical trivia. Say where is Cliff anyway?
Sam: Yeah is he still in hospital?
Norm: I don't know. How's he doin'?
Sam: I thought you were gonna go see him.
Norm: Well I tried. I mean I got as far as the hospital lobby but you know that smell of alcohol makes me really queasy. (motions for a beer refill)
(Lilith asks Sam to teach her how to drive.)
Lilith: How do you think I'll do?
Sam: I've never had a woman in a car that didn't do great.
Lilith: Wonderful. You teach me to drive and I'll help you with your sense of humor.
Frasier: Great news everybody. Lilith and I have just gotten back from the auto club.
Lilith: We have the complete itinerary for our motoring trip through the USA in our Chevrolet.
Frasier: It's a Mercedes, dear.
Lilith: That was a joke, Frasier.
Frasier: Oh I forgot I married a madcap.
Rebecca: The Globe's doing an article on women who run pubs and now he wants to take my picture. I really dread this.
Rebecca: Because I get so tensed up in front of a camera. All of a sudden I look like something the cat coughed up.
Carla: Ooo, can I have an 8x10 for my mantlepiece?
Rebecca: How about a 2x4 for your bridgework?
Al: (pressing the shock therapy button) Dance, mailman, dance.
The episode title is a play on "How To Win Friends and Influence People", a self-help book by Dale Carnegie written in the 1930s. It was on the New York Times best-seller list for 10 years.
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