Diane: I would like to see you in your office. I have something I want to give you.
Sam: How about a spanking? I think I deserve it.
Sam: What's the good word, Norm?
Norm: Plop, plop, fizz, fizz.
Sam: Not the Hungry Heifer again.
Cliff: Come on Diane. She's your ma. She carried you for nine months.
Diane: Eight, I was premature.
Carla: Couldn't wait to get out and start yappin'.
[Diane wants money to buy a book]
Carla: Why don't you ask that rich old lady of yours? She's got more money than me and God put together.
Diane: No, I can't ask mummy. I'd rather die.
Carla: I like that even better.
(Diane shows Sam what she bought with the money he lent her)
Diane: It's a book... and a very valuable book. It's a first edition Hemingway.
Sam: "The Sun Also Rises". Boy, that's real profound.
Diane: I purchased it for $500, but I'm sure it's worth a great deal more. It's signed by Ernest Hemingway himself.
Sam: For 500 bucks you'd think Margaux Hemingway'd come over to your house and act it out for you.
(the gang failed in their attempt to break the bathroom stuffing record)
Woody: Oh, gee, I see how I miscounted. I had myself down here twice. See: "Woody" and "me".
Norm: Well, here's to noble failure, huh?
Cliff: Aah, Norm, I can't drink to that. There's nothin' noble about failure.
Carla: If there was, you'd be a duke.
Title: I Will Gladly Pay You Tuesday
A reference to the popular quote by Popeye character Wimpy ("I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.")