Loretta: Well I'm glad to hear that you're over me Nick, because as far as I'm concerned, you're yesterday's newspapers.
Nick: I'm over you Loretta. Carla won't give me the time of day yet, but I'd rather be scrubbing the floor that she walks on, than, eh, scrubbing the floor that you walk on. Eh, that wasn't too good, but you get the picture.
Carla: Yeah but that railing looks terrible.
Nick: Terrible? I can see my face in it.
Carla: That's what I mean. So can I.
Nick (re Carla's pregnant): Hey you got a guy, Carla?
Carla: No, I swallowed a beach ball. For your information I am not seeing anybody. But the guy who knocked me up and ran this time is ten times classier than you.
Carla: Please tell me she took you for everything.
Nick: I was born into this world naked and so shall I leave it.
Diane: But please stay fully clothed the rest of the time.
[Diane introduces Frasier to Nick]
Diane: Nick Tortelli, this is someone with whom you have absolutely nothing in common, my paramour Dr. Frasier Crane.
Nick: Doctor of what. Can you get any pills?
Frasier: I'm a psychiatrist. Have we met? You wouldn't, by any chance, be the bogus missing link exhibited at the Amsterdam World's Fair?
Nick: No, but you're not the first person to ask me.
[Nick refuses to go back to Loretta.]
Loretta: You can say 'no' to me, but can you say 'no' to this?
[Loretta exposes one breast to Nick.]
Loretta: And there's another one just like it.
[Nick has rejected Loretta.]
Loretta: [tearfully] This is one Grinning American who's not going to be grinning tonight!
The episode title, "If Ever I Would Leave You", is also the name of a song from the musical "Camelot". In the original Broadway cast, it was sung by Robert Goulet.