Season 5 Episode 21

Simon Says

Aired Thursday 9:00 PM Mar 05, 1987 on NBC



  • Trivia

    • On June 1st, 2007, Fox broadcast a special from the Museum of Televison and Radio, "TV's Funniest Moments." The ending to this episode ranked at number 25 of the top 30 moments in the count-down.

  • Quotes

    • Simon: I've heard enough.
      Sam: That's it?
      Diane: Of course, Sam. That's all he has to hear. The good doctor is a brilliant man. I'm sure he has a complete handle on our relationship.
      Simon: Yes, I have. You two should only not get married but you should never see each other again.

    • Diane: You are the wisest man I know.
      Simon: High praise indeed.

    • Norm: I have to tell you my wife is a big fan of yours, sir. Yeah, she reads all those marriage improvement books.
      Simon: Great. Have they helped?
      Norm: They've helped me. It gives her something to do in bed.

    • Frasier: How was your flight?
      Simon: Oh relatively crash free.

    • (Sam & Diane visit Dr Finch-Royce for the umpteenth time)
      Diane: Dr, there's still one thing you haven't considered...
      Simon Finch-Royce: (flustered) OK. Sam, Diane, you two are perfect together. I'm sorry I made a mistake before but you are the most perfectly matched couple ever. But, why am I telling this to you? Let's share it with the rest of the world. (shouts out the window) Hear this, world! The rest of you can stop getting married! It's been done to perfection! (gesturing to the furniture) Envy them, sofa, envy them, chair, for you shall never be as cozy as they for their union shall be an epoch-shattering success and I STAKE MY LIFE ON IT. Wait a moment, let me get this on record! (talks into his tape recorder) "I, Dr. Simon Finch-Royce, being of sound mind and body declare that Sam and Diane shall be happy together throughout all eternity and if I am wrong I promise I will take my own life in the most disgusting manner possible." Here, take the tape, NO, take the whole machine. It's my wedding gift to you. (almost yelling) The most perfect couple since the DAWN of TIME.
      Diane: (turns to Sam, beaming) See?

    • Diane: Well, what about the idea that opposites attract?
      Simon Finch-Royce: Ah, the song of the TRULY desperate.

    • Simon Finch-Royce: Do we know her?
      Frasier: Yes, that's Carla.
      Simon Finch-Royce: Have her scrubbed and sent to my tent.

  • Notes

  • Allusions