Carla Lozupone Tortelli LeBec
Hilary Norman "Norm" Peterson
Sam "Mayday" Malone
Clifford C "Cliff" Clavin, Jr
Woodrow Tiberius "Woody" Boyd
Diane: For the first time in my life I let appearance taint my feeling toward a man.
Sam: Boy, you kow what's wrong with you. You just can't be honest with yourself. Looks are all that ever mattered to you.
Diane: What are you talking about? That is utterly inaccurate.
Sam: Oh yeah. You want me to prove it to you.
Sam: Who were you more crazy about that anyone else in your entire life? Not including yourself there. It was me. And there was only one reason you ever went out with me and that was because of my looks.
Diane: Not entirely.
Sam: Yes, entirely. Name one other reason why anyone would go out with me. Come on. Name one. You can't, can you.
Diane: No Sam, I can't.
Diane: Might I talk with you briefly?
Sam: You might but I don't think you will.
Diane: (exploring the left behind coat) You see. Two tickets to the Grand Kabuki.
Sam: So he likes to watch two fat guys wth diapers butt heads. What's that tell you?
Diane: That you're an idiot.
Cliff: Well Carla, it is common knowledge I'm scientifically handy. As a matter of fact I spent a good part of my youth in a laboratory.
Carla: And you'd still be there today if the chimpanzee hadn't taught you how to open your cage.
(Diane wants Sam to help her lie to Stuart about her true feelings)
Sam: Here's what you do. You tell him that you have a contagious skin condition and that insanity runs in your family.
Diane: Very sensitive.
Sam: Well, thank you. It's a, it's a gift.
Diane: Sam, I have never been more grateful to you than I am now. I just looked into the face of insensitivity and dishonesty and it made me blanch. I am going out there and I'm going to break up with Stuart; but I'm going to do it honestly, straightforwardly and yet caringly. I'll tell him the truth of my feelings: that I'm not attracted to him romantically, although I'm very attracted to him as a friend. And I'll say it in a way that, that he will accept and understand and be grateful for. Do you even begin to understand what I'm trying to say?
Sam: Everything except the part where you change your name to "Blanche."
(Carla asks Woody about Diane)
Carla: So where's the stick?
Woody: She and Stuart are out on another date. They went to see a play. I think it's a "who-done-it".
Carla: With him in the audience, it's a "what-is-it."
The episode dates itself with the amazement that Stuart owns... a car phone!
Title: Someday My Prince Will Come
'Someday My Prince Will Come' is a song from the 1937 movie Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
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