Carla Lozupone Tortelli LeBec
Hilary Norman "Norm" Peterson
Sam "Mayday" Malone
Rebecca Howe (1987-1993)
Clifford C "Cliff" Clavin, Jr
Woodrow Tiberius "Woody" Boyd (1985-1993)
Dr. Sheila Rydell
Dr Lilith Sternin-Crane
Sam: Answer the question, what do I have in my life that isn't women or sex?
Rebecca: Come on Sam, you're a passionate guy. I bet you have a lot of things you care deeply about.
Sam: Yeah, like what?
Sam: Babes on waves. See, the doctor was right. I'm a shallow guy.
Sheila: If you change your mind about the sex, I can be beeped anytime.
Sam: That's pathetic!
Sam: You would actually have sex with somebody you don't even respect?
Sheila: Isn't that what you do with women?
Sam: Yeah, but I cover it up.
Sheila: Sam, you forced me to tell you what did you want me to do? Lie?
Sam: Of course, yes.
Carla: Sammy, you mind if I take off early? I want to put the little ones to bed myself tonight.
Sam: Put them to bed? Hey it's two am.
Carla: Oh right, they're probably not home yet.
Sam: What kind of problem should I make up?
Carla: Well how about this, I once took one of my kids to the school psychiatrist and he said the kid had kleptomania.
Norm: Anything come of it?
Carla: Got a couple of pens and a leather appointment book.
Norm: Or you could try using my problem. I've always had this terrible fear of being a failure.
Carla: You are a failure.
Norm: Then I've licked it.
Sam: Oh Doctor, I've got a free phone right here.
Sheila: I'm looking for a bit more privacy.
Sam: I have a phone in my bedroom.
Sam: No wonder I didn't get anywhere. She's a friend of Lilith and Frasier's. She's another one of those boring cold-hearted intellectuals with legs I can kill for.
Cliff: She's exactly like the girl I took out last night.
Carla: You mean tore out.
Carla: This is truly sad. I mean a guy who would never settle for less than eight dates a week is doin' a couple of back flips over a lousy maybe.
Sam: Hey come on. That's progress for me and Rebecca.
Carla: Face facts, you had it once but you lost it. You're nothin' but Clavin in a good shirt.
Norm: I guess we're gonna have to go shoppin' for a new hero.
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