Chef! Season 2 Episode 6

Gareth: Isn't Lesley that blonde geezer with a mustache?
Janice: Close. Very close. Lesley is black, entirely without facial hair, and a woman.

Janice: We haven't seen them since our wedding night. You remember our wedding night- it's when you vowed to be celibate with me til death us do part.

Janice: Oh, Joe and Lesley phoned.
Gareth: Oh, good; how are they?
Janice: Fine.
Gareth: Wonderful. (pause) Who are Joe and Lesley?

Janice: Talking of things I wish we did now and then...(looks over and sees Gareth asleep) (Gareth snores)
Janice: (disappointed and a little angry) Just a thought.

Gordon, Gareth and William: I can't handle this!

Janice: (still exhausted) We're fully booked for lunch tomorrow- ninety-six covers.
Gareth: (still exhausted too) The restaurant only holds ninety.
Janice: We'll put a table on the terrace.
Gareth: It's going to rain.
Janice: How do you know?
Gareth: You're putting a table on the terrace.

Gareth: Everton- Debra's crying and I haven't shouted at her yet.

Gareth: (exhausted) What did you get up to?
Janice: (exhausted too) Invoices, tax returns, VAT.
Gareth: You little raver.

Gareth: Where the astonishingly rude word beginning with the sixth letter of the alphabet have you been?
Crispin: I'm very sorry Chef.
Gareth: I find it hard to get staff you know.
Crispin: Yes, Chef.
Gareth: People have offered me money, sexual favors, a Blue Peter badge, and, on one memorable occasion, a place at the lowest reaches of the New Year's Honors list just for a job in this kitchen.

Gareth: (to a distressed Debra) See, I'm married, so I don't know very much about love and romance.
Janice: I can certainly vouch for you there.