Season 1 Episode 3

Episode #1

Aired Wednesday 9:30 PM May 31, 2000 on ABC



  • Trivia

    • When they say previously on "Clerks" at the beginning of the episodes and show color bars, the joke is that there is none due to the fact that it's the first episode.

    • This episode features the first Batropes and flowerpot crashing bit, which becomes a running gag.

    • The sign outside the town hall says "Town Meeting Canceled For Emergency Town Meeting."

    • After "Phase One is complete", tumbleweed rolls past Federal Penitentiary, Le Cafe Francais Chinese Food, Modern Eunuch, Ye Olde Bookstore, and eventually, the Tumbleweed Store.

    • LOOK HARD: There is an "orphan's top 10" section at the Quicker Stop book store.

    • Walt and Steve-Dave make a cameo appearance at the front of the crowd when Leonardo is introducing the Quicker Stop. Steve-Dave has a lightning bolt on his shirt, if you can't spot him immediately.

    • To honour the Canadian flag, the Canadians are wearing maple leafs as loincloth.

    • If you look carefully, you can see a Yeti, a caveman, medieval castle, the Loch Ness monster and a giant squid inhabiting the black & white map of Canada.

    • In Randal's first scene, his customer for some reason doesn't leave the Quickstop with Randal after he returns his videos even though he appears to be following him out of the store in the previous scene.

    • Upon the completion of the Quicker Stop, Leonardo grimaces and says "Phase One complete". Yet when he has Dante & Randal in his office, he claims the Phase One involves the Canadian goods store.

    • Opening episode says:

      The following television show is entirely fictitious. Any similarity to the history of any person, living or dead, or any actual events is entirely coincidental and unintentional. Except where specifically noted otherwise in the cast and crew credits, all celebrity voices are impersonated and no celebrities have endorsed any aspect of this show. Is anybody still watching after all that? What follows is the fabled lost pilot to CLERKS. Originally planned to air May 31, 2000, it was lost on the test audience who hated it, and was eventually lost under a pile of unaired WONDERLAND and WASTELAND episodes. Unfortunately someone found it and now you're going to have to watch it. Tune in next week for a much better episode. For now, though – courage.

    • When Randal is ringing the old lady up it came up to 37 cents which is a shout out to the movie Clerks (1994). When Dante found out how many BJs his girl gave.

    • The original voice for Leonardo Leonardo was going to be played by Alan Rickman, but was replaced by Alec Baldwin when Rickman's schedule wouldn't allow it.

    • When Leonardo starts to show the clerks the Dome, his hand is behind left hand is behind his back. Next shot we see his left hand has jumped out in front of him and he pushes the red button. But then just as quickly, it goes right back behind his back.

  • Quotes

    • (Leonardo unveils the Quicker Stop)
      Dante: This doesn't bode well.
      Randal: "Quick-er Stop." I don't get it.
      Jay: Now that's the ugliest damn bong I've ever seen.

    • (Leonardo unveils Leonardo Tower)
      Jay: It looks like a big bong!
      (Walt Flanagan's dog walks by)
      Jay: Hey, that looks like a big bong too!

    • (Dante and Randal are walking up a wall in the style of the Old Batman TV Show)
      Randal: We're almost there.
      (potted plant shatters on the surface they're walking on)
      Dante: Why are we walking like this?
      (camera turns to reveal they are not walking up, but from right to left)

    • Leonardo Leonardo: Do you like my desk? I built it myself. And I have all these pieces left.

    • Randal: Who the hell is Leonardo Leonardo?
      Reporter: (on TV) Who the hell is Leonardo Leonardo? It is a question asked by the poorly educated, whose fingers lie far from the pulse of this little community.
      Randal: You're poorly educated.
      Dante: You're talking to the television.

    • Leonardo Leonardo: I see . . bring this Quick Stop to me.
      Plug: Sir, it's a store.
      Leonardo Leonardo: Bring it!
      Plug: How about . . . the two kids that run it instead?
      Leonardo Leonardo: Very well . . . for now.

    • Dante: You thinking what I'm thinking?
      Randal: Urinating on the frozen food section and watching it steam up? Oh yeah.

    • Jay: Me and Silent Bob would just like to announce that we will officially be hanging out in front of these stores again . . . officially.
      (Silent Bob whispers into Jay's ear)
      Jay: Oh, yeah. Snooch to the noonch.

    • Randal: What are YOU doing here?
      Dante: Apparently, someone told the boss I needed more hours for college credit.
      Randal: Wasn't me.
      Dante: I didn't say it was you.
      Randal: Good, 'cause I . . . Okay, it was me.

    • Leonardo Leonardo: (over loudspeaker) Or try our International Coffee Bar, with a small bookstore featuring it's own teeny tiny coffee bar.

    • Leonardo: Well played, clerks. I underestimated you once, but never again. I vow that my vengeance won't be swift or entertaining. I will draw it out over decades in such a subtle fashion that you'll have to wonder whether the misery in your life is either manifest or the machinations of Leonardo Leonardo or . . . a third thing. Good evening.

    • Jay: Listen up, we quit.
      Randal: You don't work here.
      Jay: Not anymore we don't. This is an official notice. From now on, Silent Bob and I will be officially standing in front of the Quicker Stop. Officially. (They walk over to the Quicker Stop) We'll be over here if anyone comes lookin' for us.
      Dante: Okay.
      Jay: Just send them over.
      Dante: Fine.

    • Dante: This is your plan? Pay as you exit? Isn't that what the customers were doing already?
      Randal: Kind of. I guess. Shut up.

    • Randal: Leonardo Leonardo must be destroyed!
      Leonardo: I can hear you, you know.
      Randal: It was Dante.

    • Leonardo: (during his speech to the town) For too long, the miserable corner store has been a haven for ludicrous price gouging and rude, poorly trained clerks.
      Dante: You think he's talking about us?
      Randal: No.
      Leonardo: (continuing his speech) With names like Dante and Handal.
      Randal: Randal!

    • Man 1: Are you open?
      Woman: How much are these muffins?
      Man 2: Can you Vulcanize my tires while I wait?

    • Randal: I've got news for you, Leonardo Leonardo, and the headline is "shove it."

  • Notes

    • The episode was originally going to play 1st, then it got switched to 5th after a test audience rejected it. But when they show was canned, it never got played. This episode did finally air on December 22, 2002 during a marathon on Comedy Central.

    • LOOK HARD: When the transmission is going through the sewer, you can see the Phantom Of The Opera in the sewer.

    • Originally, the script called for Jay & Silent Bob to be drug dealers, just like in the movie. But after the network got wind of it, they shut it down and told them they had to be "mischief makers."

    • Full episode title: The Pilot Or Leonardo Leonardo Returns And Dante Has An Important Decision To Make.

  • Allusions

    • Talking Heads
      Dante: Same as it ever was...
      This is a constantly repeated line from the Talking Heads' 1980 hit song "Once in a Lifetime."

    • Midnight Cowboy
      Randel: I'm walking here.
      The famous Rat Rizzo line from Midnight Cowboy (1969).

    • Marathon Man
      Randel: Is it Safe?
      This is a quote from Marathon Man (1976).

    • The Secret Diary Of Desmond Pfeiffer
      While seeking inspiration for thwarting Leonardo's plans, Dante and Randall take time out to watch "UPN's hit show" The Secret Diary Of Desmond Pfeiffer. Perhaps it was foreshadowing, like "Clerks," "Desmond" had a short life -- only four episodes were ever aired. The series centered on Desmond (Chi McBride from Boston Public), who was President Lincoln's right-hand man, and they used Lincoln to poke fun at the Clinton administration. The show came under fire from many African American groups and was quickly jerked from the airwaves. Desmond was again referenced in episode 3. Just to note, the "P" in "Pfeiffer" was not silent on the real series.

    • Father's Day
      Dante: And that Billy Crystal/Robin Williams movie . . . This is a reference to the film Father's Day (1997).

    • The Silence of the Lambs
      Dante: It puts the lotion on its skin and puts it in the basket . . .
      This line comes straight from the film The Silence Of The Lambs (1991).

    • Batman
      Dante: (holding rope) Why are we walking like this?
      This is a reference to the way Fox used to shoot the scenes in Batman when they would climb the wall with the Batrope.

    • Two Guys & A Girl
      Randal: I haven't seen panic like this since they renewed Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Parlor.
      A quick reference to one of the few shows on ABC that the network themselves made fun of, the title was later changed to just Two Guys & A Girl.

    • Wonderland/Wasteland
      Announcer:... A pile of unaired Wonderland and Wasteland episodes.Wonderland and Wasteland were series that had aired on ABC. Both were canceled early into their runs, leaving the majority of their filmed episodes unaired on the network.

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