Clerks

Season 1 Episode 2

Episode #2

1
Aired Wednesday 9:30 PM Jun 07, 2000 on ABC

Episode Recap

Next week on Clerks!" Dante's phone is ringing. He wakes up in a pile of clothes and answers it. "No Way! It's my day off. I'm not coming in. I don't care what it was: fire, flood, robbery…what? We were robbed? I'll be right there." The police won't let Dante into the store because it's a crime scene. Dante tells him he works there. The cop calls Dante a ""poor bastard" and lets him walk underneath the police tape. They walk in. The cop says the robbers left the place a mess. Dante tells him that's the way they left it. The cop tells him that he sells cigarettes. Therefore, he must respect the place and, more importantly, respect the job. Before he leaves he asks if Dante has any copies of "Fat Chicks".

The opening credits roll.

Randal walks down the street past a group of people waiting outside the video store. He tells them he'll open it in a minute and he goes inside Quick Stop. He walks to the back and finds Dante inside a freezer with a lock smith. Dante tells Randal they are putting new locks on all the doors because they were robbed. Randal says it looks flimsy and they should test the door to the freezer. Dante goes inside and shuts the door. He yells that it's locked and it works. Randal somehow got inside the freezer too and is standing behind Dante. They are locked in. They get into a fight and then realize how cold it is. Randal: "Hey if this were a sitcom and we got locked in a freezer, we'd probably flashback to all our old episodes. Hey, do you remember that time Leonardo Leonardo opened that convenience store across the street?" They flashback to a bunch of things that happened in Episode #1 and they realize that they've only had one episode.

Dante flashes back to when he first met Randal. It was 1985 and they look exactly the same and are getting introduced to each other at the Quick Stop. Dante: "I don't think that was the first time we met. Hey when we were kids did you have a lemonade stand?" He flashes back to Randal selling lemonade in front of his house. He sells it to a diabetic who dies after drinking it and drops a bag. Randal picks up a pornographic magazine from the man's bag. Another kid comes over while Randal is looking at the magazine and introduces his cousin, Dante. Back in the freezer, Randal doesn't remember meeting Dante then because he was only paying attention to the magazine, which he is still looking at in the freezer. Randal goes to turn the page but the pages are stuck together. "HEY! They're frozen!"

They see Mrs. Corrin inside the store and bang on the freezer glass to try and get her attention. The banging can't be heard from outside. All of a sudden she steals something from the shelf, puts it into her jacket and leaves. Then she comes back and steals Dante's coat.

Randal flashes back to the "last time we locked in the freezer". Randal is wearing a "Down with Sadaam" shirt and says to Dante, "This reminds me of the last time we locked in the freezer." He flashes back again and he is wearing a "Down with Paul Reiser" shirt.

Randal asks Dante how they got out of the freezer those two other times. Neither can remember when suddenly Jay and Silent Bob appear. They came in through "the metal thing with a knob". Dante and Randal try to get over to the door but are too late and it shuts, locking them in again. Jay is happy that they are locked in. Randal says that they are "using all of our air". Jay and Silent Bob are shown taking huge breaths of air.

A man enters the store and goes to the freezer. He takes six pack of soda out and sees Dante's frozen face in the glass. "AHHH! Soda Monster!" he screams as he runs away. Silent Bob appears and we see that he has made two ice carvings. One is of Dante and the other is of Jay. Jay says that the freezer is cold like the planet Hoth from Star Wars. He also says that if this were Star Wars he'd take a light saber and cut open Bob so the three of them could crawl inside and be warm for the night. Dante pounds on the door. Jay asks Randal how they got stuck in there in the first place. Randal flashes back and sees himself dressed nicely and doing his job while Dante is sitting on the floor in a diaper twirling a cat around in the air. Randal tells Dante not to let the door shut just as Dante throws the cat into the door, shutting it and locking them in. Dante: "I'm the biggest idiot ever."

Dante tells Jay that's not how it happened. Jay calls him a tool. Jay flashes back to when they walked into the freezer and asks Dante if they remember that. Dante: "Yes, you just did it". Dante asks Silent Bob if he has any memories. Bob thinks real hard and flashes back to Dante and Randal climbing up the side of Leonardo's building, the same flashback that Dante and Randal had earlier. Bob shrugs because he can't think of anything. Randal says they have been trapped in there for 6 hours.

Dante starts talking about Caitlin Bree and says he lost his virginity to her. He starts to flashback his date with her in the backseat of his car when Randal says "Duh, I know that I was there". Randal continues the flashback. As Dante is kissing Caitlin and they lay down, Randal pops up in the front seat with a video camera.

Dante sits in the freezer dejected and sad now that he is thinking of Caitlin. Randal says that she cheated on him all the time and left him miserable. Dante says she only cheated on him once. Randal flashes back to the time they helped paint her house. While Dante and Randal paint, Caitlin is on the other side of the house having sex with the professional painter. Dante says "Hey no one's perfect". Randal: "You remember what happened at your dad's birthday party?" He flashes back to the party. Everyone is singing to Dante's Dad. Dante asks Randal where Caitlin is. Randal walks over to a door and opens it. Caitlin is having sex with the painter in the kitchen. Back in the freezer, Dante says "Hey I thought it was weird that she brought the painter to the party." Randal: "And how about that time at the painter's birthday party?" He flashes back to the party. Dante is sitting by himself at a table. Caitlin is having sex with the painter in the kitchen again. Dante: "I thought it was weird that the painter invited us to his birthday party." Randal: "I rest my case."

Jay flashes back to when he and Silent Bob were on the run from the cops. They are carrying a couch. They run past a window where they see the shadow of a girl kissing two painters. They run back to the window and put the couch down. They sit and watch. Dante: "She was with two painters?" Jay: "At the same time!" Dante: "I understand." Jay: "Dude, it was a three way!" Dante: "Why don't we talk about…" Jay: "An all-painter three-way!" Dante: "Randal, how about we talk about your love life?" Randal: "You always have to bring this up?" Dante: "You ordered an Asian mail-order bride!" Jay: "He did!" Turns out, Randal filled out the form wrong and instead of getting a mail-order bride, he got a mail-order husband. He flashes back to meeting his husband. The Asian dude is real mean and orders Randal around. Randal says it wasn't that bad and flashes back to himself giving the Asian dude and his partner dinner. He cleans the floor and his husband eats sushi off his stomach. Randal says his husband got sent back to work in his own country.

Dante says they have no luck in love or cards. Randal flashes back to when they almost became priests. Dante and Randal are kneeling in front a bishop. The priest finishes saying his prayer then says "I now pronounce you man and wife." Randal: "I can't believe I married two guys in one year."

Jay: "Come on Silent Bob; let's get out of here before this guy makes you his next bride." Silent Bob takes a crowbar out of his jacket and opens the door. They walk out of the freezer and Jay and Silent Bob steal a bunch of stuff off the shelf as they leave. Randal asks Dante for a ride but says he needs to get something from the video store. They walk over to the video store and there is a whole group of people waiting even though it's 3a.m. A woman complains that it's 3 a.m. Randal: "Sorry ma'am, we close at 9" Randal goes to lock the door and breaks the key in the lock. They're now locked in the video store. Dante says that God is mocking them. Randal complains of being hot and turns on the AC, breaking the knob in the process. The vent starts snowing and Randal says "Jeez it feels like a freezer in here."

Dante complains that it's freezing. Randall tells him to use his crowbar again. Dante reminds him that he didn't have the crowbar. Randal flashes back to Silent Bob opening the freezer door. Dante: "You know, sitting here with all these movies, I was thinking of all the celebrities that have stopped here over the years." He flashes back to a bunch of celebrities coming into Quick Stop. The celebrities are: Jerry Seinfeld, Gwyneth Paltrow, Samuel L. Jackson, Martin Scorsese, Katherine Hepburn, Matt Damon, and Ted Danson. Dante says that those are only the celebrities they have seen in Leonardo. They flashback to working in an English convenience store, "Ye Olde Quicke Stoppe". An English man comes in and asks for a pack of fags. Randal gets offended that he called them fags and jumps over the counter and attacks him. Dante recounts that it took them awhile to find that fags actually meant cigarettes.

Randal says that they make a good team. Dante then flashes back to when they moved out of their parents houses and into an apartment together. They painted a white line down the middle and agree to not be on each other's sides. Their third roommate gets mad and they wash out the white line. Dante then says that he found them a great place to live after that but Randal got them kicked out. They flashback to being on the Real World. Randal starts talking in the third person all the time and says he is going to start his own real world. Which he did while working in RST Video.

Randal says "Remember that time I won a dance contest with Joni Cunningham?" Dante tells him that wasn't him. That was the Fonz on Happy Days. Randal then flashes back to episodes of Happy Days.

The screen goes blurry and comes back and we see Dante and Randal standing with their hockey buddies at the playground. Dante: "We talked about old Happy Days episodes for the rest of the night. When we didn't come home, my mom sent the cops out to look for us. They had to break down the door of the video store." Randal: "And that's when we realized there was a phone we could've used." Their Friends: "See ya guys later. Good game…" Dante: "Let's go home" Dante goes to open the door to leave the playground and it won't open. Dante: "I don't believe this." Randal: "Come on!" They try to open the door together. Randal: "Wait a minute. There's a door over there." They walk through the doorway and the door shuts and shows a sign that says "Burn Ward".

The screen fades and we see Dante, Randal, Jay and Silent Bob and another guy walking down the street. The voice-over says "I didn't see much of the guys after that night. Dante moved away. He's married now." Dante walks off the street, waving, towards a house. "Randal. Well he owns the video store now. I always say Hi when I stop in." Randal walks towards his house. "Skeeter was drafted and killed in Vietnam." The other guy walks away and stops to wave when his body disappears. "As for Silent Bob, well he became Senator Robert Blutarski."

A computer monitor is shown and this is being typed, "Looking back, it was the best summer of my life. They were my best friends." Old Jay is shown sitting at a desk, typing, when his granddaughter comes into the room. "Grandpa, you promised you'd take us for ice cream." Jay says Ok and walks out of the room with her. He comes back and types again, "Snootch to the nootch."

"Next Week on Clerks." Dante and Randal are standing in the freezer. They are locked in again. Dante: "Whatever we do, let's make sure this doesn't happen again."

"And in 2 weeks on Clerks" Dante and Randal are walking up the side of Leonardo's building.

Episode Ends
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