Cluedo

Dermot Murnaghan: Are you romantically linked in any way shape or form with Colonel Mustard? Miss Scarlett: Yes. Richard Madeley: In what way, shape or form? Miss Scarlett: Well, I don't see why I have to give you all the details. Do I? Richard Madeley: We're in England. A simple yes will suffice.

Liz Kershaw: Did MI5 train you to garotte people with knicker elastic? Colonel Mustard: No, they certainly didn't. Not with knicker elastic. But, as Sir Nigel said, I was a pretty inept sort of spy, so I don't think I garotted anyone. Richard Madeley: But you were trained to garotte? Colonel Mustard: Yes, I suppose you could say I was. Yes. Liz Kershaw: Would knicker elastic stand up to the tension? Colonel Mustard: I'm actually not an expert in knicker elastic.

Dermot Murnaghan: This was a very serious crime, yet when you found the body, as you did, you seemed to show no emotion whatsoever. Indeed, it took you quite a while to mention it to Mrs White. Professor Plum: Well, he was only a cabinet minister.

Professor Plum: Do-it-yourself cremations! That's what I could do with the Barb-o-blaster if it doesn't work out for picnics. Mrs White: Why, Professor, what an ugly idea! Whatever made you think of that? Professor Plum: That... that dead chap. Mrs White: What chap? Professor Plum: Well, you know, what's his name... that Sir Nigel fellow.

Reverend Jonathan Green: It's just that, having put in all my money, it would be rather nice to have something in writing, you know. Sir Nigel Hussey: Your money? Reverend Jonathan Green: Well, you know that it wasn't my money. It was the roof restoration fund, actually, and the diocese treasury reserve. Sir Nigel Hussey: I'm sorry, Reverend, I haven't got the faintest idea what you're talking about.

Sir Nigel Hussey: Dear oh dear, Double-O Mustard, just as yellow as ever. Colonel Mustard: Brigadier Hussey! Sir Nigel Hussey: Sir Nigel Hussey now, old boy. God, you were the worst spy we ever trained at MI5. Drop you in Estonia with forged papers and tell you to infiltrate the Red Army, and you end up being arrested by a tram conductor! Just you wait till I tell the ladies about this!