Columbo

Brown: Now why would anybody want to kill me? Columbo: Mr. Brown, I don't know. But you are a celebrity and there are a lot of crackpots in the world and there's just no accounting for people's reactions. I mean sometimes I even wonder about my wife. Not that she's a crackpot.

Columbo: I noticed that the arrangement was changed. Brown: You got a good ear for music. Columbo: Well, you know I'm Italian.

Pangborn: Well, still be awful lot of mountain to search for anything hidden or buried, a lot of mountain. Who could find it? Columbo: The guy who hid it.

Columbo: Where did you first learn how to fly? Brown: Lieutenant, I thought you knew my whole life history by now. Columbo: Oh no, no. Uh, you know, people think we got all kinds of records on microfilms, all we gotta do is push a button and, uh... Brown: Well, doncha ya? Columbo: (pause) Yes, we do. But not everything.

Tommy Brown: And I guess this, all this looks kinda bad, huh? This big house and this party goin' on and everything? Columbo: No sir, no sir. It's kinda refreshing. You see, in my line of work, homicide, somebody is always, well, dead. That's the only way to put it. I mean they don't even call us in unless that's what it is, somebody dead. So naturally I see a lot of grief.

Columbo: Say, that's delicious. I never tasted chili like that before. Luke Basket: That's a special recipe made out of squirrel meat. That's good, isn't it? Columbo: Um, yeah. That explains it.

(While inspecting the plane wreckage) Roland Pangborn: You know something, Lieutenant? I could use a man like you on my team. It's really nothing but detective work. Columbo: Oh no, thank you very much. You fellas, you have to fly. Pangborn: Sure. We're all pilots. Columbo: Oh no, not for me, thank you very much. I wouldn't qualify for that. Pangborn: Why? We'd teach you. Columbo: I appreciate it, sir. But, uh, my ears pop in an elevator. As a matter of fact, I don't even like being this tall.

Tommy Brown: You're a sanctimonious hypocrite of a Bible-spouting blackmailer and I've given you your last chance to be fair!