Comedy Central Presents

Season 2 Episode 4

Greg Proops

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Aired Friday 9:00 PM Jun 19, 1999 on Comedy Central
8.9
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Episode Summary

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Greg Proops contemplates the real reason the pilgrims left England in this half-hour stand-up special.
Today
4:40am
COMEDY
9:00am
COMEDY
Wednesday
4:40am
COMEDY
9:00am
COMEDY
Thursday
4:45am
COMEDY
9:00am
COMEDY

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions

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  • TRIVIA (0)

  • QUOTES (9)

    • Greg Proops: How come we got the grumpy boat of bandy-legged Puritans? How come we didn't get the Italian party boat with the cappuccino makes and the gelato machine? That was the sexy boat, man.

    • Greg Proops: I have to hear this all the time in England: "Well, all Americans are fat and stupid, mm-hm-hm-hm-hm." Really? Well, thanks for sending over the best and brightest to start the party. Maybe we can send a few freaky, Texas, militia, hate-group, gun-toting weirdoes back to your country.

    • Greg Proops: My feeling is, the Pilgrims were asked to leave England. England was never funner than when the Pilgrims split, right? The people of England got a little tired of these dour, right-winged conservative psycho-Christians wearing all black, bumming people out, confusing everyone by wearing buckles on... their heads. "Is that tight enough for you, Cotton?" "Yea, verily."

    • Greg Proops: I would never advocate the use of dope because I'm not a professional athlete, and I don't have access to the good stuff.

    • Greg Proops: And the English, who are warm and cuddly by nature -- Thank you, look for the sarcasm, I think you'll find it contained in every joke.

    • Greg Proops: I understand that smoking is vaguely inappropriate in certain situations. You know, like an orphanage, cancer ward, whatever.

    • Greg Proops: In L.A., you've always got to look for intelligent thought, because it's never going to just come at ya.

    • Greg Proops: Animals have two vital functions in today's society: To be delicious, and to fit well.

    • Greg Proops: Cause it seems to me that this country is so often a redneck, dickhead, peckerwood, bo-hug, he-haw, gun-totin', psycho-Christian, anti-choice, homophobic, gimme-cap wearin', militia arm band, sportin' a huge belt buckle with your name on it that you wear upside-down so you go 'Oh s**t that's my name!' kind of place.

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