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Britta: You were right. Nana's a monster. Nana: What did you say?! Britta: I said you are a monster, ma'am! Nana: And you said Troy was right! (To Troy) Get me a switch!

Amber: You're leaving? Jeff: (stalling) My...girlfriend...is pregnant. Amber: Pierce said you were gay. Jeff: He wh--! (calmly) Yep. As the sun rise.

Britta: I am Britta, and I have offended you, and I am sorry. Is there anything I can get you? Nana: Yes. You can get me a switch. Britta: A what now? Troy: She's not family, Nana. You can't make her get you a switch. Britta: She can make me get it! I just have to know what it is. Troy: A switch is a stick she can use to whoop you with.

Jeff: You're becoming dangerous, Annie. It's those doe-eyes. Disappointing you is like choking the Little Mermaid with a bike chain.

Senor Chang: (about Amber) Looks like Pierce broke the piggy bank at the escort service this time!

Senor Chang: Wow, I can't believe Star-burns ISN'T a virgin. But judging by the blue-tooth headset, his son is! Cha-CHANG!

Pierce: (about Amber) She's going to photography school. Jeff: Oh, that's very interesting. Pierce: Keep it in your pants, Winger. She may be hot, but she's my princess.

Pierce: Jeff, this is my step-daughter Amber. Jeff: Small world. Pierce: No, actually it's a very big world with 5 billion other women in it. Good luck.

Jeff: (Sees a girl who interests him) Guys, I'll be back. But with booty.

Shirley: Your heart's desensitized, Jeff. You're like a machine, it feels no love, just sex. You're like the Booty-nator. (Gets weird looks from everyone) You know the Booty-nator, like "I'll be back" but with booty? Troy: Why would the Booty-nator be back with booty? Wouldn't he just try and kill it? Abed: Well, maybe he kills it and brings it back as a trophy. Annie: Why would he want dead booty?

(Professor Slater just dumped Jeff) Shirley: I'll give Jeff a shoulder to cry on, (to Abed and Troy) and you boys go put a dead bird in that bitch's glove compartment.

(About Troy's Grandmother) Britta: You know she is not going to be around forever. Troy: I wanna believe you're right Britta, but you never quite are, are you?

Troy: I can't believe my grandma is rolling her old bones down here. I gotta pick a cabinet to hide in.

Abed: My dad's bringing my cousin Abrah. She's visiting from Gaza. Annie: Does she look like you, but with a wig and lipstick? Abed: No. That's Halle Berry.

Shirley: I'm so excited for everyone to meet my sons! Abed: I hope they're not twins. Twins freak me out. They always know what the other one is- Troy: Thinking Abed: Yeah. And they're always finished each other's- Troy: Pie Abed: It's creepy.