Season 1 Episode 19

Beginner Pottery

Aired Tuesday 12:00 AM Mar 18, 2010 on Yahoo
out of 10
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Episode Summary

While Jeff takes interest in a pottery class, Pierce invites his friends to his boating class.

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    Tony Hale (I)

    Tony Hale (I)

    Professor Holly

    Guest Star

    Greg Cromer

    Greg Cromer


    Guest Star

    Carol Schlanger

    Carol Schlanger

    Rich's Mom (voice)

    Guest Star

    Dino Stamatopoulos

    Dino Stamatopoulos


    Recurring Role

    Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


    • TRIVIA (0)

    • QUOTES (26)

      • Pierce: Jeffrey, when I was born, I got my umbilical cord wrapped around my neck, both arms, and one of my ankles. Mom said there came a point when the doctor stopped delivering me and just started laughing. I mean, if I ever let being bad at something stop me, I wouldn't be here. That thing some men call 'failure,' I call 'living.' 'Breakfast.' And I'm not leaving until I've cleaned out the buffet. Now, how about a shove? (Climbs into boat)
        Jeff: (Pushes Pierce and boat out of door) Good luck, Pierce.
        Pierce: (Rolling away) Don't need it. Never had it.

      • Troy: Oh. My. God. Pierce is going to be the only person ever to drown in a parking lot. (Laughing) Twice!

      • (After letting Pierce "drown" in the parking lot)
        Troy: What in God's name have we done?!

      • Shirley: Britta weighs five pounds, Troy can't swim and I've never even seen the ocean!
        Troy: Uh, I can swim, racist.

      • Pierce: Now I know what the 'c' in captain stands for!
        (Britta gasps)
        Pierce: Crab-apple!

      • Troy: I hope I get multiple personalities. I get lonely in long showers.

      • Britta: Who even cares if he is pretending to be a beginner?
        Jeff: Pottery cares! Integrity cares! I don't care. I just care that he cares. It's lame that he cares!

      • Jeff: Nobody gets out of Santa Fe without learning how to make a pot! 45% Hispanic, 5th highest Native American population. They eat and breathe clay there.

      • Jeff: Guess where Rich is from.
        Britta: Couldn't have been Crazytown. You would have gone to high school together.

      • Jeff: Have you taken many pottery classes?
        Rich: No, this is my first.
        Jeff: Of the year?
        Rich: Ever.
        Jeff: No pottery in doctor school?
        Rich: Medical School.
        Jeff: Pottery School.
        Rich: Pottery School?
        Jeff: Oh! Pottery School! How long?

      • (Jeff just found out Rich is a doctor)
        Rich: (About Jeff's finger) Well the good news is, this is neither sprained nor broken.
        Jeff: Oh. Thank God. But I'll have to get a second opinion from a guy in my basket-weaving class.

      • Annie: Rich just showed me how to make a flared lip on my pot, and check for breast lumps!

      • (Pierce's hat falls off)
        Admiral Slaughter: That hat's gone. Lost at sea.
        Troy: I might be able to reach it! It landed on that Hyundai! I mean mermaid'

      • Admiral Slaughter: I don't see students here, I see sea-men. I didn't create them. From the moment you climbed aboard, I saw sea-men inside of you. More importantly, you've stopped giggling at word "sea-men". That's the mark of a real sea man.

      • Senor Chang: (Walks in shirt-less) Yes, I was robbed at the YMCA. Again.

      • Jeff: I mean if I were to ever make an effort in that class, you'd think I was the cat's pajamas too.
        Pierce: Cat's pajamas? (chuckles) Okay, Pierce.

      • Shirley: I've never been a captain before!
        Pierce: I have! Commanded a jet-ski through an electrical storm. Only had one casualty.
        Troy: Jet-skis only hold two people.
        Pierce: Exactly. Saved half of my crew.

      • Jeff: Hey guys, look at what I made: (holds up slab of clay) participation badge!

      • Abed: Jeff's competitive side had come out before. He had even displayed envy. And on that first pottery class he discovered tha-
        Jeff: Abed!
        Abed: What?
        Jeff: What did we discuss?
        Abed: No voice-overs, I'm sorry.

      • Pottery Teacher: If you so much as hum three notes from that Righteous Brother's song, with God as my witness I will come at you...with everything I've got.

      • Pottery Teacher: Now there is only one rule in this class. I will tolerate no reenacting, whether it is ironic or sincere, of the Patrick Swayze - Demi Moore pottery scene from Ghost. Ever since that movie was released in 1990, I've seen every conceivable variation of what I call: "Ghost-ing". Guy on girl.. girl on guy.. the hilarious guy on guy..

      • Pierce: How about you, Abed? Wanna sail with us? There's black people!

      • Troy: A black person on a sail boat? I gotta see this. I'm in.

      • Shirley: I was going to take a class on how to put together an online dating profile, but I think sailing in the parking lot is less pathetic.

      • Abed: But the nearest body of water is two and a half hours away.
        Pierce: Leagues, Abed. We don't measure water by hours.

      • Jeff: This class is like a red head that drinks scotch and loves Die Hard. I suggest you all get her number.

    • NOTES (2)

    • ALLUSIONS (0)