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Shirley: Oh look! Britta brought what she believes in - nothing.
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Shirley: Jeff, I have two boys. And when we have a serious discussion, I find that a brownie helps them relax. (Hands Jeff a brownie) So! Why do you hate me and Jesus?
Jeff: I don't think my brownie's working.
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Shirley: What is going on?!
Troy: We're trying to get Jeff ready for the fiiii...ght. (Whispers to Jeff) I couldn't think of another word.
Jeff: Idiot. He meant we were fiii...-ting. (To Troy) It is hard to think of another word!
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Pierce: Well then it's settled. We have to teach Jeffrey how to fight. I know a few moves. Troy, I assume you're handy with a switch-blade. Abed, you get back to the family tent, try to find a chicken for Jeff to chase.
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Troy: The first time I was punched in the face I was like "Oh no!" but then I was like "This is a story".
Jeff: And a good one.
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Mike: Oh you're funny. You're a funny man. Wanna hear something funny, funny man? Knock Knock. My fist up your balls.
Jeff: Who's there?
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Mike: Give me a Winterdoodle!
Jeff: If you are trying to be menacing, maybe don't call the cookie by its name.
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Mike: There are only Macadamia Nut cookies there! I have a tree-nut allergy.
Abed: Then you should probably stay away from Christmas tree shaped cookies.
Mike: (Mocking) Ha ha! That did not even make allergic sense. What are you, and idiot?
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Jeff: Oh, come on, Shirley, don't be mad.
Shirley: I'm not mad, I'm disappointed.
Jeff: That's mom for mad.