Abed: Mariah, my name is Abed Nadir and my associate Troy Barnes.
Troy: Charmed, I'm sure.
Mariah: Are you the guys who keep staring at me and intermittently yelling out "books"?
Troy: We are both interested in taking you to the Valentine's Dance, but we are also best friends with each other.
Abed: It is the utmost importance we protect that friendship from the stresses of courting you, so we're trying to be as direct and above board about this as possible.
Troy: Will you go to the dance with us, and if so, which one?
Mariah: We need to get something straight first; this is the cutest thing that's ever happened to me. But, I don't know either one of you.
Abed: Give us a moment. (Troy and Abed huddle to plan) New proposal: get to know us in the dance and decided there who you'd like to see again.

Troy: Why does being a librarian make her even hotter?
Abed: They're keepers of knowledge. She holds the answers to all of our questions like "Will you marry me?" and "Why are there still libraries?"
Troy: I want to be a book. She can pick me up, flip through my pages, make sure nobody drew wieners in me.
Abed: Hey, maybe if we're too loud, she'll shush us. (yells) Books!
Troy: (the librarian looks up) Pretend you're asleep.