Community Season 3 Episode 9

Troy: Women's shoes? Rick doesn't have a wife...or women's feet!

Jeff: (after the human foosball) Were you guys walking around with a soccer ball just so you could do that? They left the ball and everything. I think they were literally walking around with it like a prop to use. That's, like, a $25 bit, and it's not even that good!

Annie: What if we got a different disc, and--
Troy: Annie, do you know how many sitcoms have done the "secretly replace a broken, priceless item" thing? Cause Abed does. Abed knows everything, and I know that you think you can think your way out of this with your thinkiness, but don't think too much.

Troy: It came! Our limited edition, $299 "Dark Knight" DVD with bonus footage, special commentary, and a Christian Bale autograph, including a personalized message of up to four words!
Annie: (reading the DVD) "Abed is Batman now - Christian Bale."
Abed: It's official.
Troy: From the man himself.

Jeff: Wait, you won't spend money on a name brand phone, but you got lasik for your geriatric cat?
Britta: He only has that one eye, Jeff. I can't exactly buy him a cat monocle, can I? It's pretentious.

Britta: I'm volunteering at the animal hospital.
Troy: (excited) Animal hospital?
Abed: The animals are the patients.
Troy: (disappointed) That makes sense.