Jeff: (to Britta) I know it's probably impossible to read my texts without them sounding sarcastic, but I assure you, this one is as earnest as they come. Congratulations on an awesome dance. You Britta'd the hell out of this thing.
Jeff: You did this? But why?
Pierce: Because, in the face of all logic and reason, Britta didn't back down.
Jeff: That makes no sense.
Pierce: Also, I didn't like the way you were being such a jerk to her.
Jeff: Well, she was acting crazy.
Pierce: Yeah, but what choice did she have? You make fun of her. You use her name as a synonym for screwing up. Cut her some slack, Jeff. She helped you reconcile with your dad. For Pete's sake, let her be happy.
Annie: (after Britta declares that she's throwing a Sophie B. Hawkins dance) Um, Britta, I think you meant to say Susan B. Anthony, not Sophie B. Hawkins.
Jeff: Britta for the whoops! Didn't you have a cat named Susan B. Anthony? How did you manage to Britta that?
Britta: I didn't Britta anything. I meant Sophie B. Hawkins.
Jeff: Really? Your plan was to throw a dance honoring the singer of "Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover?"
Abed: And "As I Lay Me Down," which, in my opinion, is the far better song.
Britta: Yes. I am throwing a Sophie B. Hawkins dance. And it is gonna be amazing and when people come, they're gonna be like, "Damn, she straight Britta'd this!" Because, that's right, I'm taking it back.
Rachel: If this were a movie, this would the part where we kiss.
Abed: You're right, except we're doing a sitcom trope, so it'd be totally out of place.
Chang: Tonight's Sadie Hawkins dance is brought to you by Hawthorne wipes, for the little lady who knows her place in the kitchen. And tonight's Sophie B. Hawkins dance is brought to you by Hawthorne wipes, perfect for cleaning the dashboard of your '92 Subaru.
Troy: At the risk of discovering I'm living two parallel lives like that guys in Awake, don't you already have a date to the dance?
Abed: Yep, now I have two, which means I can do the classic two dates in one night sitcom trope. I'll get to wear two outfits, mix up their names, maybe hide under a table.
Troy: What about growth?
Abed: I tried to go in a more grounded direction, but I still ended up in a comically implausible situation.
Annie: (about Kat) Isn't she perfect for Abed? She's like one of those quirky girls from the movies. I saw her in the cafeteria trying to pay for lunch with a song.
Jeff: What a coincidean. You're throwing the dance the same day the CDC is confiscating our drinking fountains.
Abed: Placating the students with a fun event. Classic bread and circuses. In ancient Rome, the emperor would distract the populace from their problems by allocating money for free bread and circuses. I've been making a conscious effort from filtering everything through TV. I figured it's time I showed some growth. It's been three and a half seasons...is what the old me would have said.
Jeff: You do realize that if you call it a Sophie B. Hawkins dance, people will expect Sophie B. Hawkins to actually be there, right?
Britta: (nervous laugh) Yes. And when she comes, I'm gonna be like, "I Will Remember You doubting me."
Jeff: That's a Sarah McLachlan song.
"Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover" by Sophie B. Hawkins
"As I Lay Me Down" by Sophie B. Hawkins
Original International Air Dates:
Canada: April 4, 2013 on Citytv
Sweden: July 28, 2013 on TV6