-
Jeff: If you all excuse me, I have a man to beat in pool while wearing shorts!
Pierce: Is that code for going number 1 or number 2?
-
(After receiving the outfit for playing pool)
Leonard: You're going to look like an ass in those.
Jeff: Shut up, Leonard. I talked to your son on family day. I know all about your gambling.
Leonard: (quietly) Touché.
-
Abed: So you guys are going to Can't Buy Me Love me, right?
Britta: We're going to what you?
Abed: You're going to Can't Buy Me Love me. You know, transform me zero to hero, geek to chic.
Troy: Ohh, he wants us to Love Don't Cost A Thing him. Can't Buy Me Love was the remake for white audiences.
Shirley: That's so uncomfortable when they do that. I can't believe they do that.
-
Troy: So we have a name: Jenny Adams.
Pierce: See? It's a fat girl's name. It might as well be Gravy Jones.
-
Senor Chang: Adios!
Class: Adios.
Senor Chang: (enunciating) Adios!
Class: (enunciating) Adios.
Senor Chang: Adios.
Class: Adios..
Senor Chang: Guys. Class is over. I'm trying to get you to leave.
-
(Looking at Troy's book with a drawing of Abed in it)
Shirley: Oh it's a picture of Abed and there are hearts all around it! Strictly speaking, Troy, The Bible condemns this kind of friendship.
-
Jeff: White Abed?
Shirley: Jenny's boyfriend is a white guy that is almost identical to Abed. His name is Joey, and that's why the sketch was in Troy's book
Jeff: So does that make Abed "Brown-Joey"?
Shirley: If you wanna get racist about it!
-
(Abed just did an impersonation of Jeff)
Troy: Woah, that's a good Jeff! How'd you do that?
Abed: 10% Dick Van Dyke, 20% Sam Malone, 40% Zach Braff from Scrubs and 30% Hilary Swank from Boys Don't Cry.
Jeff: Zach Braff?!
Abed: Sorry.
-
Troy: You should be like Calvin! His best friend was a tiger, he always went on dope adventures, and if anything stood in his way, he just peed on it!
-
Shirley: We have to find this girl for Abed, unless it's a boy, then we have to find him for Jesus!
-
Troy: It's a white Abed!
Pierce: It's like Abed..but employable!