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Annie: I'm not looking down on this school at all, but I'm only here because of a brief addiction to pills that I was told will help me focus, but they actually made me lose my scholarship and virginity.
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(Annie asks the guys to join a pysch experiment)
Troy: Do they do stuff to your butt?
Annie: No.
Troy: Do you get paid more if they do stuff to your butt?
Annie: No.
Troy: It's fine. I'll do it. I'm in.
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Shirley: I don't see why you and Britta aren't together. Two cute white people going to school together just seems right.
Jeff: Shirley, we're not pandas in a zoo.
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Jeff: (about Britta) I'm going to show her that I'm not the jerk she thinks I am and befriend the hell out of that green-tea-drinking drum circler.
Shirley: Ok, but tell me you noticed how small his nipples are.
Jeff: Not engaging.
Shirley: (giggles) Nah, it's not gossip when it's fact. My kid's got hamsters with bigger nips.
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Professor Duncan: I never should have let you into this lab, Miss Annie Fanny, panties in a bunch.
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Britta: The problem right now is that [Vaughn]'s calling me 'baby'. He's trying to hold my hands. It's-- it's getting a little relationship-y and... he gave me something.
Jeff: Herpes?
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Pierce: I heard you with my own ear... noculars.
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Jeff: Look, we can still hang out. It's just... we won't bag on people.
Shirley: Come on, Jeff, what are we going to talk about? My-- my kids? Your doc-- doctor career?
Jeff: I was a lawyer.
Shirley: See, I'm already bored.