Community Season 1 Episode 20

Jeff: Britta, why waste your time envying my gift for levity when there's so much you could be doing with your natural talent for severity?

Pierce: I don't even deserve this Buddhist meteor wand.
Troy: (Crying) It's not a meteor, it's a cookie wand. Me and Jeff made because it made you look more like the Cookie Crisp Wizard, which is not even a reference that I get because the Cookie Crisp mascot wasn't a wizard when I was a kid. It was a burglar! I just pretended like I knew because I wanted Jeff to think I was smart!

Jeff: Nice frame up job, Britta-dict Arnold.
Troy: Oh! Colonial burn!

Dean Pelton: I can see how that would be frustrating, but the thing is-
Abed: Your ass is on the line.
Dean Pelton: My ass is on the line.
Abed: You just got off the phone with the Mayor.
Dean Pelton: I just got off the phone with- what?! The Mayor?! Stop doing that!

Annie: (To the Cops) Good Morning, boys. I'm Annie Edison, but people call me Psycho because I had a break down in high school. My partner's a Christian house-wife.

Dean Pelton: I just don't want this to tarnish our school's reputation.
Officer: Don't worry. Your school's reputation is way worse than this.

Annie: So...what happens in level 6?
Pierce: Well, nobody in my hive has ever seen a 6, but from what I hear, I'll have an immunity to germs, a heightened psychic ability, improved night vision..
Troy: (Mocking) Any bonuses to your combat score?
Pierce: I assume I'll fight better if I can see more, dumb ass.

Pierce: My Buddhist Church is having its annual ascension ceremony and I will be becoming a level 6 Laser Lotus! (The group just stares at him) I know! I was speechless too!

Annie: I wanna be security!
Shirley: Ooh! We should do it together! We could be partners!
Abed: That's a buddy-cop movie I'd watch. But I wonder, which of you would be by the book, and which of you would be the bad ass?
Shirley: Oh, Abed! You're so silly. I'd be the bad ass.

Pierce: (Crying) Troy, do you want a bite of my cookie wand?
Troy: (Also crying) I do!

Annie: Jeff, where were you last night?
Jeff: At a bar.
Pierce: Called it!
Shirley: Who can confirm that?
Jeff: Your mama!

Annie: Well, well, well. Look who we found.
Jeff: (Sarcastic) Yes, how foolish of me to hide in my regularly scheduled study group.

(After accidentally spraying herself with pepper spray)
Annie: These are not tears! This is self-inflicted friendly fire!

Annie: Maybe I'm tired of everyone thinking of me a little girl. Maybe I wanna be in charge of how I'm defined.
Shirley: Well how do you think I feel? You have two kids and they stick you in the margins. I'm not done yet, I still have moves!
Annie: I haven't even started yet! I've got moves I haven't even seen before!

Dean Pelton: From now on, April Fool's Day is banished, okay? At Greendale, April 1st is officially March 32nd...forever!

Shirley: (to the cops) I tend to play by my own rules.
Annie: She loves rules. I only have one: stay out of my way.
Shirley: Stay out of mine more.

Britta: My prank is going to cause a sea of laughter and I am going to watch you drown in it!

Dean Pelton: I'm sorry, what is going on here?
Abed: A twist on a classic formula. Normally with buddy cops, one's a stickler and the other's a renegade, but these two have equal claims to both roles.
Dean Pelton: And why are you here?
Abed: Short answer? My cable went out.