Complete Savages Season 1 Episode 8

Nick: Wait, have you all done your homework?
Boys: Yeah!
Nick: T.J.? Don’t you have a big report to do about Abraham Lincoln?
T.J.: That’s not homework, that’s a long term project.
Nick: When’s it due?
T.J.: Tomorrow.
Nick: Isn’t it 2000 words?
T.J.: I know, but I’m gonna use his middle name every time I mention him. So that’s like 500 words right there.
Sam: Lincoln didn’t have a middle name.
T.J.: Well he’s getting one. Maybe two.
Nick: No report, no carnival!
T.J.: I pick no report.

Sam (To Angela): Come here.
(They hug and he smells her hair)
Sam: There, doesn’t that smell better?
Angela: You mean feel better?
Sam: Mmm-hmm.

Reverend Dave (Asking to play the game): How bout you sir? Care to try your luck?
Kyle: Nah.
Reverend Dave: See you in hell.

Jack: Well since you’re in and we're in, you guys wanna go on The Tunnel of Tongue?
Lauren: Isn’t it called The Tunnel of Love?
Jack: Yeah, love whatever, let’s go.

T.J. (Speaking while typing on the computer): When suddenly, BANG, Abraham Billy Bob Lincoln was dead. (Groans) Five words short…ooh. (Typing and saying) BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG.

Kyle (Getting pulled by a security guard): What did I do?
Security Guard: You stuck your arm in the cotton candy machine.
Kyle: No way, I bought this from home.
Security Guard: You think you’re talking to a moron?
Kyle: Well you are a carnival security guard.

Angela: Boy that giant pretzel looks good.
Sam: Oh it sure is, you should have bought yourself one. (Takes another bite) Well I’m done. (Throws away the pretzel)

Angela: I don’t know Sam. This looks pretty scary.
Sam: Don’t worry about it Angela, these things are run by licensed professionals.
Man: (Who operates the ride and looks like a bum): Howdy.
Angela: Ask to see his license.
Man: How you gals doing
Sam: Uh, I’m a guy.
Man: Says you!