Complete Savages

Nick: Wait, have you all done your homework? Boys: Yeah! Nick: T.J.? Don’t you have a big report to do about Abraham Lincoln? T.J.: That’s not homework, that’s a long term project. Nick: When’s it due? T.J.: Tomorrow. Nick: Isn’t it 2000 words? T.J.: I know, but I’m gonna use his middle name every time I mention him. So that’s like 500 words right there. Sam: Lincoln didn’t have a middle name. T.J.: Well he’s getting one. Maybe two. Nick: No report, no carnival! T.J.: I pick no report. Sam (To Angela): Come here. (They hug and he smells her hair) Sam: There, doesn’t that smell better? Angela: You mean feel better? Sam: Mmm-hmm. Reverend Dave (Asking to play the game): How bout you sir? Care to try your luck? Kyle: Nah. Reverend Dave: See you in hell. Jack: Well since you’re in and we're in, you guys wanna go on The Tunnel of Tongue? Lauren: Isn’t it called The Tunnel of Love? Jack: Yeah, love whatever, let’s go. T.J. (Speaking while typing on the computer): When suddenly, BANG, Abraham Billy Bob Lincoln was dead. (Groans) Five words short…ooh. (Typing and saying) BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG. Kyle (Getting pulled by a security guard): What did I do? Security Guard: You stuck your arm in the cotton candy machine. Kyle: No way, I bought this from home. Security Guard: You think you’re talking to a moron? Kyle: Well you are a carnival security guard. Angela: Boy that giant pretzel looks good. Sam: Oh it sure is, you should have bought yourself one. (Takes another bite) Well I’m done. (Throws away the pretzel) Angela: I don’t know Sam. This looks pretty scary. Sam: Don’t worry about it Angela, these things are run by licensed professionals. Man: (Who operates the ride and looks like a bum): Howdy. Angela: Ask to see his license. Man: How you gals doing Sam: Uh, I’m a guy. Man: Says you!