Corner Gas

Oscar (about the doctor): He's just gonna make something up. Tell me I'm sick, then I'll get sick, then I'll die. Brent: You're confusing doctors and hypnotists.

Oscar: Brent's always been naive. I blame his mother for uh... Davis: Mothering him? Oscar: That's it, exactly!

(Karen pulls over a speeder, whom we later find out is Stephen) Karen: Sir, do you know how fast you were going back there? Stephen: Uhhh, ninety-seven? Karen: That's a relief. Radar gun's working. Thanks for your cooperation.

Davis (spinning billy club): I find it helps if you give your billy club a name. You know what I call mine? Karen: Billy? Davis (pause, puts his club away): Anyway... (changes subject)

Emma: You're going to the doctor. Oscar: Over my dead body! Emma: Well, that would speed up the process.

Wanda: I gotta go with Brent here, Hank. We can't assume this Stephen guy's a stalker. Hank: It makes sense. And that's the real reason that Lacey came to Dog River. Brent: Ah. So, her aunt dying and leaving her the restaurant was an elaborate cover story.

Brent: Yeah, that's why most people go to med school. So they can feel up old men ... legally.

Lacey: Look, you guys just let me talk to him, okay? He's an old friend. He'll be fine. Really. I'm fine. Brent: Is that why you're pouring gravy on apple pie ?

Lacey: He was just so forgiving. You know, I mean, you could treat him badly and he'd say I'm sorry. Brent: Heartless bastard. Lacey: You think there's something wrong with me. Brent: No. Other than that you'll never be happy, or satisfied. Probably die alone, house full of cats.

Hank: Look honey, if you need a shoulder to cry on, I'm always here for you. Lacey: You are so close to getting a knee in the balls. Hank: So it's over between us then.