Corner Gas

(Emma lays out an extra plate at the dinner table) Oscar: Who's that for? Emma: Oscar, I don't want to shock you, but you have a son. Oscar: How could I forget? He's always over here mooching. Drinkin' our drinks. Foodin' our food. Emma: Foodin'? Oscar: Eatin' our eats! He's a no-good freeloader. Emma: There's good freeloaders?

Oscar: We're coming over to your place. Brent: (laughs) This is a terrible idea. Emma: And I want a real cooked meal... nothing microwaved. Oscar: Or out of a box. Emma: Or take-out. Oscar: Or squeezed from a tube. Brent: So pot-luck, then?

(Wanda can't figure out Hank's e-mail password) Brent: I hate to say it, Wanda, but I think Hank has bested you. Actually, I didn't mind saying it. Hank has bested you, Hank has bested you, it's kind of fun, actually.

Brent: I thought I'd try Mom's lasagna recipe. Oscar: Yeah, yeah. Call me when it's ready. Emma: Why is the blender out? Brent: To blend the cheese, duh. I thought you made this a million times before. Emma: I have, but I never used the blender. Have you pre-heated the oven? Brent: I haven't even broiled the noodles yet. Emma: You don't broil the noodles, you boil the noodles. Brent: I was off by one letter.

Davis: Hey, Lacey. Lacey: Yes, Davis? Davis: You forgot to pay a ticket. Lacey: Oh, right, I forgot to pay for a ticket; how embarrassing! Davis: A ticket for public indecency. (everyone in The Ruby looks up) Karen: Now we're getting somewhere! Lacey: No, no, I think you mean a parking ticket. Davis: No, you flashed Old Man Carruthers. Old Man Carruthers: You flashed me? Oh, I wish I could remember that.

Oscar: We had a great time at Brent's dinner party the other night. Fitzy: I heard it was pretty good. Emma: Who told you that? Fitzy: Brent did. He said the meal he cooked was delicious. Emma: I cooked it. Fitzy: Brent said you would say that.

(after asking for the salt, pepper, then the salt again at dinner) Emma: Is there a problem with dinner? Oscar: No offence, it's just that this is bland, with a capital 'bla'. Emma: Well it's a good thing you said 'no offence' or I'd be really angry. Oscar: It's just that we had such a good meal at Brent's; it's hard to come back to this same-old, same-old. Emma: Well, if you had such a great meal at Brent's, why don't you take your cranky old ass over there to eat? ...No offence.