Corner Gas

(examining a broken pipe) Brent: Well, how the hell did it get bent like that? Oscar: How should I know? Looks like the work of an orangutan. Brent: Really? That's your prime suspect?

Oscar: So the long and short of it is, you don't have any bingo money. Emma: It's like I've been jinxed. Do you think Wanda could be bad luck? Oscar: Bad luck? Come to think of it, the other day I was talking to her on the phone, and three hours later, I dropped the radio and it busted. Good thing I wasn't in the tub. Damn woman could have killed me.

Wanda: Okay! I broke the mop handle! I know, you told me no karate kicks in the store, but I'd just finished watching a Jet Li movie and I was in a weird head space!

Davis: Now I got double the workload. Karen: Wow, two naps a day.

Hank: Where do you think people go to the bathroom in an igloo? Davis: You mean Inuit. Hank: Oh, sorry. So, where do you think people go to the bathroom in an Inuit? Davis: No, the people are Inuit and they don't live in igloos anymore. Hank: Oh, right, because it's summer.

Emma: Fred's pelvis is fractured. Oscar: Lazy wimp. Emma: I can't rely on luck. I have to be proactive. Oscar: That, or you can do something about it yourself.

Karen: Mind if I hang out? Brent: Anything to keep you off the streets while you get yourself clean.

Lacey: Look at these ingredients. They're all chemicals. It's like eating a Bounce sheet. Brent: Yeah, but a tasty Bounce sheet.