Corner Gas

(reading the list of ingredients in the energy drink) Wanda: There's no scientific evidence that any of this boosts energy. Brent: Yeah, well, there's no scientific evidence behind Voodoo either, but go explain zombies.

Oscar: I promised the School Board I'd fill in for the school bus driver. Emma: Why on earth would they pick you? Oscar: Oh, who knows? (cut to....) Fitzy: The bus driver, Clarance, is sick. Here's a list of people qualified to take his place. Here's another list of people who aren't qualified at all. Now don't go mixing these up.

Davis: It was a lucky shot; you hit my sciatic nerve. Karen: Your sciatic nerve is in your jaw? Davis: They're all connected... right, Brent? Brent: Your jaw and your hip are connected, yes, via the torso. Karen: Well, somebody took biology in high school! Brent: I took it seven or eight times.

Brent: You're drinking Haywire? I thought you said that was stupid. Wanda: No, I said you were stupid; I said this was fraudulent. But it's tasty!

Hank: I'm in the advertising business. Lacey: Oh. Hank: It hit me last night, I should be in the advertising business. Maybe because I was watching a Bewitched marathon on TV. Lacey: Oh, right, 'cause Darrin was in advertising. Hank: No, I just really liked the way they advertised the marathon.

Hank: Is your eye twitching? Wanda: No. Brent: Yeah, it is. That's 'cause you're loaded on Haywire. You're all zipped up on the H. Wanda: It's got nothing to do with this crap. I just haven't been eating enough zinc lately. I just need to eat some more broccoli, a few more pumpkin seeds. (they stare at her) Quit gawking at me!

Davis: You think I can't back you up? Karen: Let's just keep this quiet... these things have a way of getting out. (Emma walks by with her groceries) Karen: Hey Emma! I knocked out Davis. One little bump, good night Sally! (to Davis) See? Now it's out there.

(Brent is scraping gum off the floor) Wanda: Hey, Brent, whatcha doin? Brent: Who just tosses chewed gum on the floor? Wanda: Yeah, people can be pigs sometimes that's for sure tossing their crap all over the place. Pigs! Piggy piggy people, pigs! Brent: How many of those Haywire drinks have you had? Wanda: Oh, one, two, three, ...four, five... why am I counting again?

Hank: Please, Lacey, make me an offer. I'll take anything you got... anything! Lacey: Okay, I'll give you 20 dollars. Hank: What? That's insulting, that's a slap in the face. Lacey: No, it isn't. I could give you an actual slap in the face, and show you the difference. Hank: Twenty's good.

Oscar: All right, listen up. Your regular driver, Clarence, has gone home sick. I don't know what you psychos did to him, but they called in the cavalry! That's right... there's a new sheriff in town, and his name is "Yes, Sir!" And he doesn't put up with any of your punk shenanigans! Student #1 (raising hand): Um, excuse me, Mr. Sir. But, could you tell us what a 'shenanigan' is, so we can avoid that? Oscar: Funny you should ask, 'cause that's a shenanigan. Put your nose against the window! Student #1: Pardon me? Oscar: Window. Nose. Now. Student #2 (to another student): I'm confused... is he the cavalry, or the sheriff?

Emma: Is Wanda inside the cooler? Brent: Yeah. She's cleaning it. She's got a bunch of excess energy 'cause she's all jacked up on Haywire. Wanda: No, I'm not! Brent: Hmm. Gave her super hearing too.

Oscar: All right, let's have it! Student #1: Have what? Oscar: The booze! Student #2: What's booze? Student #1: The stuff they warned us about in Church Camp.

(Karen comes in looking dishevelled) Davis: Where were you? Karen: Oh, I just went for a run. You know, though some back yards, over some fences.

(Wanda is digging frantically in Emma's yard) Brent: Yo, Zippy! Time to get back to your job! Wanda: It's a nice day, Brent! I like working outside the sun is shining and the birds are singing and the sky is bleeding and the grass is screaming! I want to stay here!

Karen (into the phone): I'll be right there. Davis: You'll be right where? Where will you be? Karen: Oh, just taking care of some uh, you know, personal stuff, with my cousin, who's in town for some family things, and uh,... where's the riot gear? Davis: In the trunk. (Karen runs out) But this better not be a call!

Lacey: Okay, I give up, I can't chase you around all day. I want to get back to The Ruby and have something to eat. Hank: There's the power of advertising right there. I mean, you could sell any kind of crap with a well-placed ad. (cut to... a shot of the season 4 "Corner Gas" DVD set) Announcer's Voice: Season Four of Corner Gas. Now available on DVD.