Corner Gas

Oscar: The claw? That's for kids! Why don't you just turn the place into a damn petting zoo? Is that what you want? A bunch of kids in here rolling around with zebras and kitty cats? Paul: You've never been to a petting zoo, have you?

Oscar (to Emma): I'm putting my foot down. No more Claw. Just don't come crying to me if you need a fuzzy lobster.

Brent: What do you need loonies for, Dad? Oscar: Let me answer your question with a question. Shut up.

Emma: Usually Oscar gives me a hand, but these days he's always down at the bar. At first I thought he was in there drinking, but now I'm starting to get worried.

Oscar: Hey jackass, where's the shuffleboard table? Paul: Gone. Oscar: What, did it grow legs and walk out of here? Paul: No, it got kicked out because it called me a jackass.

Hank: How'd it go with the hotline? Oscar: I'm banned. Hank: After just one call? That's impressive! It took me six times.

Brent (on his cell phone): No Dad, I didn't lose it . . . well, how could I be talkin' to you on it if I lost it?