Corner Gas

Brent (to Emma): You quit your vice, and I'll quit mine. Wanda: What, belching? Brent: That's not a vice, it's a gift.

Karen: Nothing ever happens here. Davis: Nothing is what the town expects from us, and that's exactly what we deliver.

Hank: What's that? Lacey: It's a late birthday present from my cousin. Hank: Oh, I'm sorry to hear about your cousin. Lacey: The present's late, my cousin's fine.

Karen: Okay, Hank, you get to come on one partol, but remember that if... Hank: Shotgun! (Karen looks at Davis, who shrugs) Davis: He called it. Hank: Oh, speaking of that... Karen: You're not getting a gun! Davis (quietly, to Hank): If anything goes down, we'll share mine.

Oscar (to Lacey): You have any perogies? Only they're not really called 'perogies,' they're 'perohi'. (he laughs) Yeah, that's Ukrainian! Emma: Master linguist. Oscar (shocked): Watch your mouth!

Karen: Lacey's car won't start! Davis: Let's roll! Karen: Shotgun! Davis: Grow up, Karen.

(a man is lying on the sidewalk, unconscious, while a crowd stands by and looks on) Man: Is anyone here a doctor? Ben Mulroney: No, but I'm Ben Mulroney. (the crowd gasps in awe) Man: Let him through.

Brent: Do you think there's such a thing as caffeine gum? Lacey: I could let you chew on a used coffee filter. Brent: See, you say that, but I know you won't.

Paul: Maybe it's none of my business, but are you allowed to drink on duty? Karen: Who's to say I am on duty? ...My partner drove off and left me here. Paul: Well, are you getting paid? Karen: Yeah, but I'm not doing anything. Paul: Sweet! Getting paid for not doing anything! I sorta respect that.

Brent: I am totally brain-dead today. Oscar: Hey. Brent: At least I'm not alone.

Davis: You're just mad 'cause I made fun of your hairdo. Karen: You didn't make fun of my hairdo. Davis: I'll do it later. Get off my back.

Emma (about coffee): You're not supposed to have more than three cups. Brent: Three cups? That's for pre-schoolers or something. And they get nap time. Lacey: Everybody deserves a vice, Emma. Brent: Exactly. Lacey: Sex, drugs, coffee...let Brent have at least one of those!

Brent: You knit! It's a compulsion. You knit like it's going out of style. Which it actually did, some time ago.