Corner Gas

Oscar: Where's Brent? Emma: Do you have any fresh bread? Oscar: Who's minding the pumps? Wanda: At the Ruby, not until two, and nobody at the moment. Oscar: He just leaves the pumps? Somebody could rob the place blind! They could steal a squeegee! Wanda: They're rigged with explosives.

Brent: I love the way you call games. What is it you call a goal again? Wanda: Twine-tickler! Brent: Offsides? Wanda: Premature! Brent: Somebody elbows somebody in the mouth? Wanda: Bender in the beer hole! Brent: I make a great save? Wanda: That's never come up!

Ronnie: I was speaking metaphorically. Hank: Why don't you speak leave-aphorically? Brent: Scram-aphorically. Hank: Piss-off-aphorically. Ronnie: What are you guys, like seven? Hank and Brent (in mocking voices): What are you guys, like seven?

Ronnie: Celebrating a bit much for a tie, aren't we, boys? Davis: You're just mad because you didn't beat us. Hank: Yeah, you poor tie-ers! Brent: Sleep well knowing you don't suck any less than we do!

Emma: If we get in this car, and it doesn't start, I swear by all that is holy, I will throttle you with an extension cord. Oscar: Deal. But if it does start, you have to shut up about it. Emma: Done. (Oscar starts the car, succesfully) Emma: You're my hero, now let's go. Oscar: Oh, that's right. It's almost... shut up o'clock.

Davis (during a time-out) : Great hustle. Has anyone seen my pancreas?

Lacey: The team meeting started without you. Brent: Some brilliant strategizing going on, no doubt. Lacey: Well, you missed the ten-minute argument about how much a puck weighs.

Hank: Well, practicing's good in theory, in reality it just tires us out.

Lacey: No neutral zone trap for you guys, huh? Brent: Well, our defenceman can't skate backwards, that's the crux of it.