Corner Gas

Connie (about Oscar): I want to help the crazy homeless as much as the next person, but that man is harassing me. Oscar: I'm not homeless!

(Wanda refuses to give Oscar a discount on milk) Oscar: What's to stop me from buying this at the co-op? Wanda: You were banned from the co-op two years ago, so unless you have a stool and a pail, you're paying for the milk. (pause) You'd also need a cow.

Wanda: Okay, okay, I am giving you a brand-new, Corner Gas customer discount card. Oscar: But this is just a scrap of paper! Wanda: A true reflection of how we value you as a customer.

Hank: You know what I hate? Brent: When people just out of the blue say, 'you know what I hate'? Hank: No, but that ~is~ annoying.

Hank: Hey, Brent, if everyone thought one of your friends was a big jerk, wouldn't you want to know about it? Wanda (to Brent): Oh, that reminds me, I need to talk to you about Hank.

Connie: Did I mention I was engaged? Lacey: Oh, congratulations! You found somebody you love. Connie: No, I'm just engaged.

Lacey: Isn't [Connie] great? (silence) Brent! Isn't she great? Brent: Well, she's uh... um... hey look! Pickled eggs!

Hank: Emma, can I ask for your advice? Emma: Can't you ask your own mother? Hank: You know she's gone on to a better place. Emma: They have phones in Saskatoon.

Connie: (in a monotone) Help... Police... (Davis jumps up) Connie: That man is bothering me. Davis: (looking around) What man? Oscar: She means me, jackass!

Lacey: I don't need people who I thought were my friends telling me that my other friend is rude. Brent: She is rude. Lacey: I know. That's why I don't need you to tell me that.