Hank: You know how in Regina, they have all those painted pig statues, and Toronto has all those painted statues of mooses?
Wanda: Moose.
Hank: No, there's more than one. Well, anyway, I was thinking, you know, we should do the same thing here.
Brent: Do what? Confuse plurals?

Wanda: That's the best idea you've ever had.
Hank: Really? You like it?
Wanda: No. But it's the best idea you've ever had.

Fitzy: Quinton, Pelly, what's the word on the streets?
Karen: Don't you mean 'street'?

Hank: Hey, I got an idea for improving the town.
Karen: You're moving? Geez, I don't normally slam Hank, but it's just so easy.
Hank: Just let me tell you my idea.
Fitzy: Sorry, I'm kind of busy.
Hank: Wow, maybe everyone in town's right; this is just a cyclical ploy.
Davis: Don't you mean 'cynical'?
Karen: If he means it happens every election, it actually is 'cyclical.'

Oscar: Name one bad thing about casinos.
Emma: People become problem gamblers and lose all their money.
Oscar: If you take a problem gambler's money away, problem solved! See? You just don't think things through.
Emma: That would explain the ring on my finger.

Oscar: I've got a good idea for the Mayor's Challenge. But I've got a reputation as a...
Lacey: Curmudgeonly coot?
Oscar: No.
Lacey: Fly-off-the-handle crank?
Oscar: No.
Lacey: Ummmm... loveable eccentric?
Oscar: What was the first one?

(at his press conference)
Fitzy: Look, to make everyone happy, I'm ordering a crate of fiberglass gophers and prairie dogs... big and small. But don't worry, they're statues, so they'll be much easier to paint!

(at Fitzy's press conference)
Emma: I'll be running for Mayor on the platform of bringing a casino to Dog River.
Denizen #1: Big or small?
Denizen #2: Can we paint it?
Emma (under her breath): I'm already sorry I did this.

Beverly Thomson: Seems a little town in Saskatchewan is in the middle of an election. The hot-button issue: prairie dogs versus gophers.
Seamus O'Regan: Well, with a story like that, you know the fur's going to fly! (they both laugh)

Wanda: So... what did you think of the show?
Lacey: The show? Oh, I thought the show was good. You know, Emma seemed reasonable and confident; Hank, you were a little crazy; and you came off as very knowledgeable.
Wanda: Did you actually watch the show, or are you bluffing based on the stuff you think you already know about us?
Lacey: How did I do?
Wanda: Spot on.

Davis (to Emma): You're messing with forces, powerful forces. You play with fire, it'll bite you.

Rob: You Brent LeRoy?
Brent: I wish! (pause) Okay, yes, I am.
Rob: Rob Bennett. I represent the Pump 'N Go chain.
Brent: No, you don't. A little marshmallow guy riding a donut represents the Pump 'N Go chain.
Rob: That's an oil filter riding on a tire.
Brent: Oh! Okay, 'cause I always thought, 'black donut, what's that about?'

Hank (to Brent): You can't sell Corner Gas!
Wanda: Yeah, why would you want a huge wad of cash when you can have a gas station with Hank in it?

Rosemary Thompson: Mr. Prime Minister, what do you make of this controversy?
Stephen Harper: Now, look, I like prairie dogs and I like gophers. But, sadly, neither were given the respect they deserve under the previous Liberal government.
Rosemary Thompson: If you had to choose one, which would it be?
Stephen Harper: Well, I guess I'd pick prairie dogs.
(the crowd draws back in shock and horror)
Stephen Harper: No, no... gophers. I meant to say gophers. (he smiles and gives a 'thumbs up')

Brent (to the Pump 'N Go Rep): I'm going to work harder for you guys than I ever did for myself. (pause) That's actually not saying much.

Brent: I guess I'm retired now. I finally get a chance to sit back and read some comic books.
Lacey: Yeah, take a few years off... then get yourself a green hat, and start being cranky to people.
Brent: I have no choice; it's genetic.

Brent: And you were going to tell me...?
Lacey: Now. Remember, I just said, 'Now is as good a time as any'?
Brent: Right. I have a hard time with chronology.