Corner Gas

Brent: I wanted to write "Lacey is a cow" but I couldn't find a w. Lacey: You don't have to do that. I took down the "Brent is an ass" sign. Wanda (disappointed): Ohh! Brent (to Lacey): I can't remember, were there any w's in there?

Wanda: Don't bother checking it; it's right. Another option would be, my thighs are hot for goat felons. Brent: My thighs are hot for goat felons? Geez, why are you working here? With your knowledge to instantly rearrange letters you could... no you're right, there is no practical application.

Wanda: I just saw Karen downtown, we were talking about Hank. Brent: Wait a minute, you were just downtown? Who was watching the store? Wanda: I dunno. Brent: Well, what if someone comes in? Wanda: So you leave money on the counter. It's not like anyone important's coming in. (in the gas station) Pamela Wallin: Hello? I'm Pamela Wallin. I'm the Consul General to New York. I used to be on TV. I have a platinum card. Is anyone here?

Karen: Do you have any fishing magazines? You know, pictures of guys... fishing?

Lacey: This place is deader than -- Wanda: Quasimodo? Pavlov's dog? Chief bell tester down at the big bell factory -- after he died?

Oscar: Her memory's going. Emma: I remember. You want Alpha-getti. Oscar: If you remember, why did you bring home Dino-ghetti ? Emma: What difference does it make ? Oscar: You can't spell with dinosaurs!

Oscar: There's nothing wrong with my memory. You think I'm not on the ball, but I'm on the ball. I'll tell you when I get off the ball -- which is never.

Brent: Plus, I was careful to choose a slogan where the letters couldn't be rearranged to spell anything embarrassing. Wanda: What slogan ? Brent: Come for the oil change. Stay for the grease. Wanda: Choose Glenn Frey for a menage a trois.

Brent: Man, is it busy. I've been hearing more bells than .... Wanda: Quasimodo, Pavlov's dog, the chief bell-tester down at the big bell factory? Brent: What was the first one you said there -- Quomidoso? Let's go with that.

Emma: Don't fly off the handle. Oscar: I'm not off the handle. I'm still on the handle. I'll tell you when I come off the handle -- or the ball.