Corner Gas

Davis: If I want macaroodles, why can't I have macaroodles? This is a massive affront to justice. Karen: You might be overstating it just a ton.

Oscar: You give me the same amount of money every week! Emma: Well, I keep meaning to give you millions, but I forget.

Brent: I got a rip in my jeans. Emma: So you sat on the floor? Did I miss the crying, or is that still to come?

Wanda (bagging groceries): I'll just snuggle the milk right up next to the ice cream so it stays as frosty as a penguin's privates!

Emma (to Oscar): You think I'm going to let you run the finances? By the end of the week, we'd own a kangaroo farm.

Hank: Hey, Lacey, tell me this: why do you see so many earthworms when it rains? Lacey: I give up, why? Hank: No, no, it's not a riddle, I'm really asking. I got worms at my house. Wanda: I'm so glad you finished that sentence with 'at my house.'

Lacey: Well, maybe people get a little put off by your big words. Wanda: You mean, intimidated by my vocabulary? Lacey: Well, yes, but 'put off by your big words' works just as good... as well... as good... accurate... oh. (she leaves)

(Brent comes in; Oscar and Hank are talking) Brent: What'd I miss? Hank: Oh, we're just talking about wheelbarrows. Brent: Oh, my favourite type of barrow.

Oscar: It's not an allowance! It's a set amount of money that Emma doles out at a set time every week. (Brent and Hank look at each other and try not to laugh) Oscar: Holy hell! I'm on an allowance!

Davis: Why can't a grown man have a plate of macaroodles if he wants? Lacey: That question just answered itself. And besides, they don't come on a plate, they come in a bowl. Well, a boat, actually. Davis: Now I want them even more.

Brent: I put on other pants... Hank: Just making sure. Brent: ...you perv. Hank: It's not a perv thing, it's a hygiene thing. I don't think I could hang out here if you're not wearing pants. Brent: Small price to pay, dignity for sanity.

(Brent is trying to figure out why his extremely old radio won't work) Wanda: I give up. From now on, no more scientifically derived explanations. Brent: No more what? Wanda: High-fallutin' jibber-jabber. Brent: Oh, well, you shouldn't dumb things down for people; it's insulting. Wanda: That squawk-box is older than a dinosaur's diapers. The insides are 'bout as rusty as a billygoat's breakfast. Brent (laughs): Billygoat's breakfast. Yeah, you're probably right... I'll get a new one.

Oscar: I'm selling cookies Cookie Man: You mean, like a little girl? Oscar: What is it with you people? Broaden your horizons! Buy cookies from someone other than a little girl for once, you jackass!

Wanda: Oh, this folksy crap should not be taken literally. It's as dangerous as a badger in a rain barrel. Damn it! I can't stop!

Oscar: All right, all right! You drive a hard bargain. Sixteen percent it is. Karen: Sixty, Oscar. Six-zero. Oscar: That's almost twice as much!

Wanda (to Camping Woman): Before you go, bears are nothing like men. They don't want their tummies rubbed. Well, maybe they do, but not by strangers... unlike men.

Oscar: I'm gonna make my own money! Emma: Make money? You can't even make a sandwich. Oscar: So I put a loaf of bread in the dishwasher one time!