Corner Gas

Oscar: I can't find the Senior's Beat column. Where's that stupid woman's column? Emma: Her obituary's on the front page. Oscar: Oh, is she writing those now? Good for her!

Oscar: Who's going to write the Senior's Beat? How am I supposed to know what the seniors are doing? Fitzy: Well, one of them's driving me nuts. Oscar: See? That's the kind of thing that should be in the paper.

Hank: Hey, Emma, I'm looking for the model train club. Emma: Oh, it got cancelled, there was a derailment, no one was hurt. Hank: Ah, I'm looking for a hobby, I mean, that seemed perfect... models and trains. Did any of the models show up?

(explaining to Brent why she caved in on the 'Employee of the Month' issue) Lacey: You don't understand, Josh was whining about the whole employee appreciation thing. (cut to... Josh clearing tables while Lacey stands beside him) Lacey: Phil is not that great of a boss, you know. I'm a better boss than he is. I'm a pretty good boss... right? Hey, how would you like it if I made you Employee of the Month? (Josh shrugs and nods)

Karen: Emma, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Emma: What loss? Davis: Well, ...Oscar. He's dead. Emma: What are you talking about? Davis: Well, he hasn't called with any complaints, so what else could it be?

Hank: What's that stitch you're doing? Fitzy's Grandma: Knit one, purl two, repeat Hank: Then what do you do? Fitzy's Grandma: Repeat. Hank: (loudly and slowly) I said, 'Then what do you do?'

Davis: You can't quit your column. Oscar: Yes, I can. Howard's got too many rules! 'It's got to be longer.' 'Write to deadline.' 'Don't eat my sandwich.' Karen: You ate someone's sandwich?

Emma: Same time tomorrow? Hank: Yeah, sure... I'll meet you at the place. Emma: What place? Hank: My place... dammit! I mean, not my place, bye!

Fitzy's Grandma: Emma drives us crazy. She goes on and on about Oscar. Hank: This whole time, I thought you didn't like me. Fitzy's Grandma: We're not crazy about you, but you're better than Emma.

Fitzy: Oscar, the latest Senior's Beat was terrific! The way you covered all the angles of cats, and their poop.

Wanda: Do we have any Pepto-Bismol, maybe some Eno? Brent: Why? Do you have heartburn from eating a chili cheese dog? Wanda: No. Why would you say that? Brent: 'Cause I can smell it on you. Come here. Say 'hot Hawaiian hula hoops.' Wanda: Quit trying to eat my breath!

Emma: When are we getting together to knit? The other women said they can't make it... between you and me, I think they don't like you. Hank: Um, Emma, actually I won't be able to knit with you any more either. I got a job. Emma: A job? You? A job? You? Hank: It's a great opportunity. (cut to... Hank in a farmyard) Manure Farmer: Shovel this pile of chicken manure from here to the other pile and mix it with the pig manure. Hank: I'll take it.