Corner Gas

(about horror movies) Emma: You haven't lived until you've seen power tools cut a teenager in half. Brent: I took shop class.

(circa 1984, at the drive-in) Brent: Sorry that took so long, they kept running out of relish. What'd I miss? Girl: The movie.

Karen: I'm sorry I took your jacket. I just had to run out for a second; I didn't think it was a big deal. Lacey: Well, it wouldn't be, except this jacket was a gift. Karen: I was with you when you bought it. Lacey: A gift to myself.

Oscar: Afraid to watch a scary movie! How could we have raised such a wimp? You know who I blame? Emma: I blame myself. Oscar: Oh, I was going to blame the hippies, but if you want to take the rap for it, by all means!

Davis: You were out there, rooting around in your truck for ten minutes. If you do that five times a day, multiply by 365 days for... 36 years, you'd have wasted (thinks) ...12 years of your life. Hank: 12 years? Davis: Or is it 12 days? Hank: That's 12 years I can't get back. Davis: I don't think I carried the four. Hank: Birth to grade 6, gone! Well, okay, 5 twice.

Wanda: Maybe as a child, you had a scary experience you're suppressing. Brent: Maybe? You've met my dad, right?

(about Hank's pants) Karen: It's like, if Batman wore pants, these'd be the pants he'd wear. Davis: Batman would never wear pants.

(Wanda and Brent are laughing at Hank and his pants) Hank: Go ahead and laugh, but you multiply th etime it takes you to make fun of me by... three, and then add a year, and then divide that by your age, and you're wasting a good 20, 30 years of your life, right there! Wanda: Yeah? Well, time well wasted.

Brent: Hey, pass me the jam. Hank: Now, I could waste valuable time reaching for that jam, or... (he reaches into his pants) ...I could give you one of mine. Brent: Mmmm... warm jam from your pants. Well, let me think about that while Lacey passes me the jam that's not from your pants.

Karen: What happened to my computer? Davis: What do you ~think~ happened to your computer? (cut to The Ruby, where Hank is pulling a laptop out of his pants) Hank: Anybody need a laptop? (cut back to the Police Station) Davis: No! Lacey took it.