Corner Gas

Oscar: What the hell are you doing? Customer: I'm taking a penny. Oscar: Right under my nose, plain as day. You got some nerve, I'll give you that. Customer: It says, "Need a penny, take a penny." Oscar: What are you, a Communist? Get out of here, I don't need your pinko pennies!

Brent: I'm not gonna call my mom. I'm a grown man. He's six. I should be able to handle it. (the scene cuts to Emma on the phone) Emma: You're a grown man. He's six.

(having a whispered conversation in the library) Brent: Do you have any books about child psychology? Alice: About what? Brent: Child psychology. Alice: Chives on top of me? Brent: Yes, that's right, Alice. I want a book about chives on top of you.

Wanda (about the last time she saw a dentist): 1992, okay? It was 1992! Brent: Well, you should really try to squeeze in a visit every decade or so. Four out of five dentists recommend seeing a dentist. I don't know what the fifth guy's thinking.

Lacey: There's something really attractive about a man who likes kids. Brent: Well listen, if you're in a bind, Wanda, I could babysit. Wanda: But you said you were ... Brent: Very, very busy, yes. But I could help out with little Tanner. Tanner's a great kid. I love Tanner. His name's Tanner, right? Wanda: Yeah.

Lacey: One chili cheese dog. Brent: Bless you for putting hot dogs back on the menu. Lacey: You like it? Brent: Love it. Lacey: Ha! That's a tofu dog and veggie chili. Brent: No it isn't. It's a ... Maple Leaf "Top Dog" ... all beef. I compliment your choice. Lacey: They were on sale.

Wanda: Dr. Hertz. Dr. Pane. Dr. Yankum. Not very encouraging. Brent: You're making those names up. Wanda: Uh-uh. Brent: Wow! Dr. Pane. I think he fought Spider-Man.

Oscar: Sure, you can trick a kid. Kids are stupid. Brent: Well, your days of outwitting seven year-olds are over. Thankfully now it's illegal for kids to smoke. Oscar: What? Since when? (turns to Davis) Is it illegal for kids to smoke? Davis (shrugs): What am I, a lawyer?

Brent: I'm getting a little tired of the toy cars to the head. Any suggestions? Lacey: I don't know. I'm no good with kids. Did you ask him not to whip cars at your head? Brent: Yeah, so he threw a truck. Kid's clever.

Wanda: If I went, I'd have to get a baby-sitter for Tanner. Brent: Oh that shouldn't be too difficult,.....I mean he's a bit of a bratty kid.... Wanda: What do you mean, bratty? Brent: You know .... like a, like a brat ... kind of Hell-spawnish.

Brent: Hey, is nougat even a real thing or did they just make that up ?

Lacey: Hey Wanda, you want some lunch? Wanda: I want somebody to kick me in the jaw. Lacey: So hard to have a regular conversation in this town.

Paul: Hi Lacey, what can I getcha? Lacey: I feel like a glass of wine. What's your house red? Paul: Not sure ... hey, what's it say on that bag of wine over there? No, that's ketchup, the one beside it. Lacey: You know what? Beer's good.

Brent: You know you're sweeping gravel, huh ? Oscar: Nobody else is going to do it. Brent: I wonder why that is? What's next on your to-do list ? Vacuum the trees? Give these bugs a good polish, and wash those rocks?