Corner Gas

Karen: I don't want Oscar calling me an idiot again. Oscar: See you later, bonehead. Karen: Much better than idiot! Thanks!

Oscar: Did you know there's a new air pump out there? Brent: There is? The air pump fairy must have left it while I was napping! I wonder if she took the old pump from under my pillow! (pause) That is to say, yes, I did know. I bought the new pump.

(about the 'Caution Wet Floor' sign) Hank: Hey, Lacey, what kind of dance is this guy doing? Is it a kick-step or a jig? Lacey: It's called 'I broke my neck and now I'm gonna sue Lacey because Hank moved my sign'... shuffle. Brent: Hey, Hank, your name's in a dance!

(about the piano) Oscar: That thing sounds like a bag of cats. Emma: Well, granted it doesn't have the lilting quality of your voice, but nothing's perfect.

Hank: Don't feel bad; you'd be surprised how many times I've broken a bone doing something stupid. Lacey: You'd be surprised at how unsurprised I am.

Wanda: I can't believe you're too lazy to take piano lessons. Brent: Really? Seems roughly in line with the Brent I've come to know.

(about the air pump) Oscar: Without the ding, it's nothing! It's got no personality! Brent: What? Are you kidding? Look at it, it's got personality up the wazoo. Wanda: You can't even have a wazoo without having some personality.

Wanda: I'm a quick study. I come from a musical family. Emma: How does twenty dollars a lesson sound? Wanda: My grandfather played in a klezmer band... Emma: Twenty-five, if you keep talking about your family. Wanda: And then he died. The end.

Wanda: It's just... with [Davis], you sounded enthused, and with me, you sounded kind of patronizing. Lacey: I was actually patronizing both of you. Wanda: Well, all right then!

Hank: Just don't get too comfortable. See, right now, you're soaring like an eagle. But sooner or later, the eagle gets shot in the neck or hits a power line and drops to the ground and everyone just kind of forgets about the eagle. Lacey: Well, couldn't I just be a puppy? Hank: Oh, you don't want to know what happens to the puppy!

Davis (to Brent): You're charging for air, so we formed this mob. They (motioning to the rest of the mob) wanted to bring torches. Denizen (aside, to Davis): And marshmallows. Davis (aside, to Denizen): I told you, no marshmallows. Denizen: No marshmallows? Davis (to Brent): As you can see, emotions are running a little high. Change the pump or I can't guarantee we won't be back with torches. Denizen: And marshmallows.

(getting Davis to sign her cast) Lacey: Lucky for you, there's a little space near my wrist with your name on it. Davis: Why would someone else sign my name?

Hank: I thought Lacey would benefit from my years of experience, but she doesn't want my help at all! I feel so... directionless, so purposeless, so, uh... Wanda: Hank-like? Brent: Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you; you're an adjective now.

Oscar: Hank blew up my tire! Almost got me killed! Karen: Well, if at first you don't succeed...

(two men position the piano at the end of the counter at The Ruby) Lacey: This is great! This is really going to liven up the diner! Emma (under her breath): I'm just happy to get rid of the damn thing. Lacey: Sorry? What was that? Emma: I... I said, 'I'm just happy to give something back to the community.' Lacey: That's weird, because it sounded completely different the first time. Emma: The usual convention is to let that kind of thing go.

Davis: 'Up in arms'... what does that even mean? Karen: It's an expression, like 'down and out' or 'up the creek' or 'stupid Davis jerk-face.' Davis: I'm not familiar with that one.

Wanda: Oh, wow, my own piano! Oh, Lacey, I don't know what to say! Lacey: Awww... (they hug) Now, if you have any trouble getting this into your place, remember... don't bring it back here.