Corner Gas

Davis: We've got a GPS. That's Global Positioning System. Brent: Cool. Are we still third from the sun? Davis: No. Well, yes.

Oscar: I'm shredding our bank records. Emma: Why? We're not exactly a major corporation. Oscar: Hank's going through everyone's garbage, if he finds out we've got that extra three hundred dollars he'll be all over us. Emma: Cut them vertically too.

Hank: I'll take your garbage. Lacey: Hank, you don't have to do that; come on in, I'll give you some food. Fitzy: I think he means he'll take the job. Lacey: Huh? Oh, of course! Fitzy: How much would you charge? Hank: Charge? Oh, charge! Yeah, uh, a thousand bucks. Fitzy: I have twenty dollars. Hank: Twenty-five. Fitzy: Done!

Oscar: Stupid bank! Are they still calling me Omar? Emma: Yes, but you'll be glad to know the bank made a mistake and owes money to Omar and his wife, Elna. Oscar: Who's Elna? Emma: Some idiot who shouldn't have married Omar.

Karen: We're in Dog River now, but if we went through those doors, god knows where we'd be. Wanda: You'd be in the can. It's a door to the bathroom, not a vortex to another dimension.

Wanda: Provincial Labour Code; I'm what they call a 'non-regional employee' now, so you have to pay me per diem. Brent: Get out of town! Wanda: I am out of town, so you're supposed to pay me an extra $20 per working day.

Lacey: So how's the garbage man? Hank: It's not 'garbage man'; that's insulting. We prefer the term janitorial... I mean, custodial worker. Civic custodial worker... engineer... technician.

Hank: You can tell a lot about people when you collect their garbage; especially if you take time, rifle through it a little bit. My point is, people just think of it as garbage, but really it's like a wet, sticky bag of half-rotten clues.

Karen (to Davis): Slashing someone's tires is not a practical joke. It's serious! And impractical. You pulled an impractical serious.

(Hank wonders what Oscar and Emma bought at the Foo Mart) Hank: Is it something exotic? Oscar: Watch your mouth! Hank: What? I said 'exotic'. Oscar: And I said 'watch your mouth'!

Lacey: In business, there are only two choices: lower your expenses or increase your revenue. Brent: You're completely over-looking bankruptcy and insurance fraud.

Oscar: I can't believe you'd sell something that doesn't even work! Brent: Of course it works; I'm not going to sell something that doesn't work. Oscar: You sold me that stupid fishing reel that didn't work. Brent: And I gave you your money back, didn't I? Oscar: No! Brent: Stay on topic, this is about the washer fluid. Oscar: I don't trust it. Why is it red? Brent: I don't know, maybe it's cinnamon.