-
Wanda: I'm going back to The Ruby to get a receipt.
Hank: That's what she said!
Brent: You don't know what a double entendre means, do you?
(Davis comes in from the pumps)
Davis: Hey, Brent, your nozzle's stuck in my gas tank... it's too big, I can't get it out.
(Brent and Wanda stare at Hank, who remains silent)
Hank: What? I don't think she'd say that... doesn't sound like her.
Wanda: You're completely clueless.
Hank: That's what she said!
-
Karen: I think what Lacey's trying to say is... well, have you ever had a job?
Emma: Well, I raised Brent; that's work.
Lacey: Yeah, that must've been a hand full... him just sitting there, then lying there.
Karen: Eating things. (she and Lacey laugh; Emma glares) I'm sure it was hard.
-
Fitzy: I'm hoping all municipal employees can help spread the word about bringing a call centre to Dog River.
Hank: You want to make us a dog centre? That's the worst idea I've ever heard!
Davis: That's the worst idea you misheard. He wants to bring a call centre here.
Hank: Oh, sorry. (pause) Call centre? That's the second-worst idea I've ever heard!
-
Widow: Thank you so much for coming.
Wanda: Corner Gas sends its condolences; Jeff was one of our favourite customers.
Widow: Jed.
Wanda: Very sad.
-
Oscar: What are you doing here?
Wanda: I came here to pay my respects.
Oscar: You knew Jed?
Wanda: Oh yeah, of course! ...Played softball together.
Oscar: He's been in a wheelchair for the last 15 years!
Wanda: That's why we called him 'Wheelie'.
-
Lacey: I am so glad you came.
Karen: Well, you said when you called you weren't sure whether it was police-related or not?
Lacey: I need help moving my dresser.
Karen: Yeah, that's not police-related.
Lacey: Yeah, I kinda thought so. But now that you're here...
-
Fitzy: This call centre is a big operation. Do you have any experience?
Emma: I raised Brent.
Fitzy: Well,... you keep saying that.
Emma: I've been on committees, I helped run the gas station...
Fitzy: Well, not really.
Emma: I did the books, I made sure there was inventory.
Fitzy: Hmmm.
Emma: Give me the job or I'll come in here every day and make your life a living hell.
Fitzy: Your forcefulness could be an asset. Welcome aboard!
-
Davis: This call centre's bad news. Fitzy's gonna blow all this money on infrastructure, and the police budget's gonna take the hit. And then bye-bye cop boat.
Hank: Where are you gonna use a cop boat?
Davis: On the river.
Hank: What river?
Davis: Dog River.
Hank: There's a river?
Davis: I've gotta stop this call centre.
Hank: Count me in!
Davis: I was afraid you were gonna say that.
-
Karen: So you're telling me, you see a box, and you're not thinking 'What's in it?'
Brent: There's a box over there, I'm not thinking 'What's in it?'
(he points to a box clearly marked "MotorOil")
Karen: That's because you know what's in it. [Lacey] has no idea what's in it. And it's hers!
Brent: Ah, it's probably just some old junk.
Karen: That's what she said.
Brent: Wow, you guys really don't get how to do that joke.
-
Oscar: (laughing) Nice jacket. Going to a job interview?
Emma: Actually, I have a job.
Oscar: What? Who's gonna raise Brent?
-
(trying to convince Wanda to let him go to a funeral with her)
Oscar: Come on, it'll be fun! Dead people... sandwiches... me.
Wanda: I work alone. I mean, I skip work alone.
-
Karen: This is gonna sound weird, but I think we should break into Lacey's house and open up that box of hers.
Brent: Yeah, that does sound weird.
Karen: Well, it wouldn't be breaking in. She did invite me, the other day.
Brent: That's the rule for vampires, not cops.
-
(opening what they think is Lacey's box)
Brent: Socks. Why would somebody be secretive about socks?
Karen: Those are my socks.
Brent: How'd [Lacey] get your socks? Jeez, you were right to be nosey.
-
Oscar: So... when's the next [funeral]?
Wanda: Ah... you know what? There's no more funerals on the horizon. It's back to work.
Oscar: No! We got a good thing going here!
Wanda: It's over. Some people died, and we had a few laughs, and snacks. Now it's time to move on.
-
Brent: Jeez, now you're going to a funeral? People are dropping like flies.
Emma: No, I'm dressed for work; I have a job.
Brent: (disbelievingly) Okay.
Emma: I do. But I don't want you to feel neglected because you have a working mom. I know some of your other friends' moms don't work.
Brent: I could go for a few hours of neglect right about now.
-
Wanda: Can I talk to you for a sec? There's no pleasant way to say this, but I think someone's been crashing the funerals around here.
Fitzy's Grandma: Really?
Wanda: Yes.
Fitzy's Grandma: Well, you'd know, you're at almost all of them.
-
(on the phone)
Hank: Hello, Coalition Against The Call Centre, co-founder Hank speaking.
Lacey: Hank? Look, I need to speak with Davis or Karen; someone just broke into my house.
Hank: Oh, I'm sorry, no police emergencies on this line. Call centre business only. Thank you. (he hangs up, then, to Davis) You have got to stop giving out this number.
Davis: There's nothing I can do. I think it's on the side of the car.
-
Emma: Now people think I'm connected to you! Someone just threw a bun at my head.
Hank: Ah, we're getting through to people.