Corner Gas

Brent: The bed is the couch of the bedroom. Davis: Hmm, food for thought. Not good food, more like marshmallow or beef jerky for thought.

Lacey: Where do all my pens go? They're like socks. Hank: What do you mean? Lacey: I mean they disappear like socks when you put them in the wash. Hank: Who puts pens in the wash?

Oscar: I draw the line at ketchup. Brent: What about relish? Oscar: Sure, if you're catering an orgy!

Brent: Wow, marmalade. They take the part of the orange that's normally thrown in the garbage and make it spreadable.

Man: (walking past) Hey, Hank. Hank: Man, I can't go anywhere now without being recognized. Wanda: That was your cousin.

Brent: (After listening to Oscar and Emma's scheme) This sounds like it's right up dad's alley, but it doesn't sound like you, mom. Emma: Are you kidding? Our marriage is based on revenge. Oscar: It's kept us together for thirty-five years. Brent: Well, count me out. Revenge is a powerful tool. I won't see it used for evil.

Oscar: Change is good, woman. You gotta stop living in the past. Emma: Does that mean we can finally get a digital clock? Oscar: Sure, if you wanta blow eight-hundred bucks! Emma: (under her breath) Idiot.