Corner Gas

(upon seeing inside of coffee shop for the first time) Wanda: Looks like Martha Stewart blew up. Brent: I feel mildly violated.

Hank: Brent, this coffee tastes terrible. Brent: Oh, well, let me refund your money. What'd you pay for it, zero?

(after Oscar rents a video for the first time) Wanda: Do you really think your dad will like Jaws? Brent: He might, if he owned a VCR.

Brent: So, here we are, the finest drinking establishment in all of Dog River. Lacey: Nice. Kind of homey. Brent: I suppose, if you grew up in a home of pickled eggs and pinball.

Brent: (about Oscar) He doesn't know how it works, but he's against it. It's the touchtone phone all over again.

Brent: But he's never even rented a video. He doesn't know what he's talking about. Oscar: I don't want to know what I'm talking about.

Emma: Now Oscar, when Brent took over the business, you knew he was going to make some changes. So butt out. Brent: Thank you. Emma: And you. Your father ran this business for nearly 40 years, so I expect you to show some respect for his opinions. Oscar: Yeah. Brent: Geez, you're asking a lot, Ma. Emma: Well pretend to show some respect for his opinion. Oscar: Yeah. (glares at Emma)

Oscar: Wait a minute. What does that sign say? Brent: Well take it slow. Sound it out. Oscar: I can read it smart guy, but we don't rent movies.

Brent: [Lacey] wants to reveal it all, at what I believe she refers to as a gala reopening. Hank: Is it ga-la or gay-la? Brent: Wear whatever you want.

Hank (upon seeing the changes to the coffee shop): What the hell did she do to this place? Brent: Here we go. Would ya settle down Hank? It's just a little different. Hank: Different? We're in the seventh circle of Hell here.

(Hank is questioning the salt shakers) Hank: What if it's a trick? Wanda: Shake some on your hand. Hank: That's unsanitary! Brent: I've seen you eat gum off your shoe. Hank: What's that got to do with anything?

Lacey: You don't see a photo of me with a Hitler mustache, tossing puppies into a woodchipper. Hank: Does such a photo exist?

Emma: The red wire goes to the red hole. The white wire goes to the white hole. See? Oscar: ...It must be one of those new Japanese models.

Brent: Maybe she doesn't want us in the coffee shop because she's turning the whole place into a methamphetamine lab. Get the town kids hooked on the meth and the crack cocaine, 'cause once you're hooked on that, you know....what next? Marijuana, then jazz music, forget about it.

Oscar: Your son is turning the gas station into a movie theater Brent: Bear in mind that Dad has a tendency to overstate things Oscar: I have never overstated a single thing in the history of the planet

Hank: Wanda, what do you know about this Lacey person ? Wanda: I know she doesn't have cataracts, so you don't have a chance.

Lacey: I mean come on, a boycott? Look it, I'm not clubbing baby seals and I'm not using Honduran children to make sneakers. Hank: You could be clubbing baby seals with Hondurian children and I don't care about that.

Wanda: Ya know, Jaws is a pretty intense movie. Is that a good idea to rent that to your old man? He's wound tight enough as it is. Brent: It doesn't matter. In a million years, he'll never figure out how to hook that up to the TV.