Corner Gas

Oscar: I can do it myself. It's not rocket surgery.

(Josh the busboy storms out of the kitchen) Lacey: Wait wait wait wait wait! Aw, come on, you can't quit! Who'll bus the tables? Josh: That's all you see me as, a busboy. You don't know that I've always wanted to work on a llama farm! (he leaves) Lacey: Yeah? Well, be careful, they bite your fingers off! Brent: Oh, that's not gonna work. Danger is part of the allure of llama farming. Lacey: Did you know he wanted to work with llamas? Brent: I didn't even know he could talk!

(looking at Karen's drawings) Lacey: I think it's good... it's good. It reminds me of that artist... ah, um... Brent: Beethoven? Lacey: He was a composer; he couldn't draw! Brent: Exactly!

Brent: Hey, you've got a big brain, you're always trying to sound smart. Wanda: 'Trying to sound smart'? That's a pedomorphic invective. Brent (looking puzzled): Isn't it, though?

Wanda: [Brent's] drawings are good. What you wrote is sort of crap. Karen: Crap? What kind of crap? Wanda: The crappy kind, if you'll forgive my pedomorphic invective. Karen: I didn't know you were having medical problems.

Karen: You think my book is pretentious? Brent: Yeah, you know... kids love to pretend, and this is great for that... it's 'pretendious'.

Hank: Here are the books. I think you'll find they're very fiscal; I've prepared them in a fiscal manner, and I'm sure you'll be satisfied with the fiscalliness. I'll be over there, and if you have any questions, I am a Libra!

Auditor: These books are a disaster! First they make sense, but then they get sloppier and sloppier, and there's some jibberish about a bicycle. Hank: Wanda! Auditor: My name's Steve. Fitzy: I sort of hired him for a lark. (to Hank) You're fired.

(as Emma looks through Karen's completed colouring book) Brent: It's pretty good... you know, it gets a little weird where it goes off into the cost breakdown of bike accidents over the last fiscal year, but somehow, it works.

Hank: Hey, you hear that? The mayor's impressed... that's a feather in my cap. Lacey: Yeah, except for now, you don't wear one. Hank: I never wore a feather, she's crazy.

Hank: That means I'm not a Virgo! My whole life I've had the wrong personality. Lacey: Huh, we knew it was something.

Oscar: On the ground, you're the law; but up here, I'm the law. Davis: What do you mean 'On the ground, I'm the law'? Oh, right, because I'm a cop. But if I had a police helicopter and landed on the roof...

Hank: I'm reinventing myself down to the bedrock of my personality Lacey: So no hat?

Hank: They're going to find out I'm a sham as a civil servant. Wanda: You were a sham as a busboy. As a civil servant, you're more of a fraud.

Lacey: I think I'm getting good at this: the food comes in, the food comes out. It's like the tide. Brent: The tide just took my coffee.