Corner Gas

Hank: I've wanted to be shot with a taser gun all my life. It's one of those dreams I thought I'd have to give up, like being an astronaut, or voting.

Lacey: What are the odds of having a riot in Dog River? Karen: Fifty-fifty. Lacey: How do you figure that? Karen: We either have a riot or we don't.

Brent (about the security camera): If I install this, I save five hundred dollars on my insurance. Lacey: How much did it cost? Brent: About six hundred bucks.

Karen: Why does Brent have a security camera? Hank: I'll tell you if he stuns me. Davis: No! Karen: I can club you if you want. Hank: Been there, done that.

Brent: I'm going to actually tape people. Hank: You can't do that! I mean, what's next? Brent: You're standing right over the trap door.

Brent: No more dirty talk. Hand me that big tool so I can mount this.

Davis: Did you tell Hank to rob Corner Gas? Karen: No that's crazy! Hank's crazy! Davis: He says you practically drew him a map. Hank: She literally drew me a map.

Lacey: What are you staring at? Hank: I'm trying to plot the path of the camera. (Brent and Lacey look at the camera) Hank: That's a slow camera you got there. Brent: It's as if it doesn't move at all.

Emma: It might be nice to relax, get away. (Oscar honking the horn) Emma: STOP HONKING THE HORN, YA LUNATIC! Emma: I'm looking forward to it.