Corner Gas

Lacey: What can I get you guys? Hank: Uh, I'll have the tofu salad but replace the tofu with chicken. Lacey: So... the chicken salad. Hank: Oh, no, that's not as healthy.

(about the fundraising calendar) Lacey: Featuring the ladies of Dog River... I see. Emma: Okay, Lacey, if you want to help, we need someone to be Miss April. Lacey: Oh, wow, you guys! I am so honoured. Fitzy's Grandmother: We mean, help us find someone to be Miss April. Lacey: Oh, I see.

Oscar: Why didn't you answer the phone? I tried calling three times! Brent: New phone's charging. It's kind of a hassle, but that's balanced out by not having to take your calls.

(describing the calendar) Emma: Well, not completely naked; we're tastefully covered up... I mean, by a fence, or a door. Fitzy's Grandmother: I'm going to be in a canoe.

(Hank is wearing sweats and a headband) Wanda: Hey, Olivia, the new comics are in. Hank: Oh, thanks. Olivia? Wanda: Newton John... "Let's Get Physical". Hank: Oh, no not right now, I'm about to work out.

Davis: Spin class... cool! Karen: That's right, I'm doing something about it. Maybe you'd like to join me. Davis: Sure. Do they supply the plates or do you bring your own? Karen: Not that kind of spinning, it's on a bike Davis: Oooh, like the circus!

Oscar: You're out of toilet paper. Wanda: That's a paper towel roll. Oscar: Same diff.

Wanda: You sounded pretty into it before. Lacey: I am, very into it. I love anything that's, you know, risque. Wanda: Risque? Yow! Like wearing red pantaloons? Settle down, Doris.

(in Spin class) Hank: Okay, let's hold this pace. It helps if you visualize. Imagine you're at the Tour de France, watching from the sidelines on a stationary bike.

Lacey: Though I should warn you, some of the ladies will be... scantily clad. Karen: 'Scantily clad'? What are you, seventy?

Brent: Mom just left a message. Dad's using the new phone as his cell phone. Wanda: What? ...Wow, your parents' place is like a kilometer away. Told you that thing had good range. Brent: Yeah, way better than the old phone... that could only be used around here. You know, where we are. Wanda: Geez, you're a baby. Fine, I'll go to your parents' place and get the phone. And bring back some diapers for you to wear, too. Brent: See if she has any cookies!

Davis: Detention? This is spin class. Hank: That's five! Cool Student: Five what? Hank: That's ten! You want to keep going? 'Cause I can go all the way up to eighty!

(about the cordless phone) Wanda (to Brent): Your dad will run out of power soon; he'll bring it back, no harm done. Delivery Guy: Where do you want your 500 cases of wiper fluid? Brent: 500? I ordered 100. Delivery Guy: Oh, you were pretty clear on the phone what you wanted... Jackass. Brent (to Wanda): 'No harm done!' Get that phone back from Dad before he gets me killed!

Emma: You're not backing out, are you? Lacey: No. Emma: Because we've booked a photographer for tomorrow, and he's taking pictures of you here. Lacey: Amazing! Amazing. ...Oooh, you know, tomorrow's not a good naked day for me; I'm frying a lot of bacon. Fitzy's Grandmother: You're not nervous about being scantily clad, are you? Lacey: 'Scantily clad'... what are you, seventy? Fitzy's Grandmother: Seventy-four, but that's sweet of you to say.

(Lacey stands nude in The Ruby) Lacey: Wow, this isn't so bad. It's actually kind of liberating. Emma: I couldn't get the photographer. Lacey: What? Well, who's that guy? Emma: I've got no idea. Guy (staring at Lacey): Could I get a coffee to go?