Corner Gas

Lacey: You know what a composter is, don't you? Brent: Of course. It composts things. Things that are compostable. Turns it into compostage.

Lacey: You know, Brent, there are so many things you can do to help the planet... like composting, or... or that thing rock stars do... Brent: Oooh, I'll do that. I assume it has something to do with groupies? Lacey: Carbon trading. You off-set your driving by turning off your air conditioning ...reduce your carbon footprint. Brent: How about I just try not to step in any carbon?

(Wanda is putting on her jacket) Brent: What, did it suddenly get cold in here? Wanda: I told you, I was leaving early. Brent: No you didn't Wanda: I implied it by leaving early lots of other times.

Oscar: The branch is trespassing on this property! It's illegal. Davis: First of all, this is my yard, so it's not your problem. (Oscar hits Davis with the branch) Oscar: See what can happen?

Hank: This book has every drink imaginable... help you be a better bartender. Wanda: Mix It Up, Baby! Drinks For Swinging Cats. That's great if you want to get drunk and swing cats.

Wanda: So what's your poison? Emma: I need something cold and stiff. Wanda: Have you checked the morgue? (she laughs) Just a little bartender humour for you.

Hank: Hey guys, say goodbye to your boring old booze. Check out these snazzy cocktails. Brent: I just want a rye and water. Lacey: Oh, a Singapore Sling. I haven't had one of those since college. Hank: Oh, I didn't know you went to school in Singapore.

Hank: Hey, can I make Lacey's Sling? The directions are right here in the book. Wanda: Fine, but there's three rules behind the bar: Shut up; don't annoy me; and shut up. Hank: That doesn't make any sense. The first and third rule are the same. Wanda: Well, you broke all three.

(Hank delivers drinks to Brent and Lacey) Hank: Here you go, folks. Brent: What the hell are these? Hank: Surf dreams. Only, I couldn't find coconuts, so I used potatoes. I call 'em 'Turf Dreams.' Lacey: Why is it red? Hank: Well, that's the ketchup; I couldn't find any grenadine.

Oscar: You ever notice how every few weeks, either me, or Hank, or Wanda has some crazy new job? Emma: I hadn't noticed and I'm sure no one else has either.

Wanda: Hey there, stranger! Davis: Stranger? It's me, Davis.

Lacey: You expect me to believe you, Brent Leroy, rode a bike to work? Brent: Well, stranger things have happened. Lacey: Yeah, like maybe twice in the history of the world. The big bang... evolution of the platypus... and then you, on a bike.

Karen: Why is [Davis] mad at me? I do all the work! Wanda: Maybe that's the problem. Karen: You think? Wanda: Well, I don't not think that it isn't it.

Hank: Do you realize you can't get dried lime rind in this town? Or even a passable papaya? I mean, just look at this mango. Brent: That's an apple. (Hank looks surprised) Hank: I hope the other customers aren't as sharp as you are!

(Oscar is leaving the bar) Hank: Oh, watch the highways, I heard the Mounties are out doing that ride thing. Oscar: The Musical Ride? Hank: No, the RIDE program. Oscar: The Musical RIDE program?

Wanda: So you're going to put [the energy conserving light bulbs] up in here? Lacey: Yeah, without Brent knowing. Can you create a diversion? Wanda: Sure thing. I'll start a fire. Hand me those newspapers. Lacey: Or you could just talk to him. Wanda: Yawn.

Emma: Okay, I know you're all probably going to make fun of me, but... here it is. (she puts the ruined sword down on the table) Fitzy: Davis's paper cutter. Fitzy's Grandma: Oscar's wood chopper. Karen: You mean Josh's sandwich slicer? Fitzy: It's the perfect gift for our twin town! Fitzy's Grandma: Something from Dog River we all use! Karen: And it's kind of Japanesey. Good thinking, Emma!