Corner Gas

Davis: It was scary being in that car trunk. Closest thing I could compare it to is being locked in some kind of trunk. Hank: Why were you in there again? I mean, you know, besides the obvious reasons. Brent: What's an obvious reason for being in a car trunk? Ooh, did you rat on the Mob?

Lacey: I used to have girls' night back home all the time. Emma: Would the same people ever come back a second time?

Oscar: Hey, Jackass. Did you hear about Davis? Brent: Oh, about him being locked in a car trunk? Oscar: He got himself locked in the car trunk! Brent: No, I never heard about that.

Brent: Honestly, Dad, you gotta give that word a rest. Oscar: What word? Brent: Jackass. Davis is a jackass for getting locked in the trunk, yesterday the bread delivery guy was a jackass for wearing a digital watch, and apparently I'm a jackass just for sitting here. Everybody's a jackass. Oscar: I know! That's why I use the word so often!

Tilley: This card is the lovers, meaning you will be married. Lacey: (pumping her fist in the air) Yes! ...Not that I need a man to complete me. But... yes.

Tilley: His name starts with the eighteenth letter of the alphabet. Wanda: "R". (they all look at her) I do thirty crosswords a day.

Brent: Hey, how much gas you want? Hank: Uh, ten bucks worth. Hey, Oscar, can I borrow ten bucks for gas?

Oscar: Stop calling me Hammerhead, you jackass! Brent: Stop calling me Jackass, you hammerhead. Oscar: It's disrespectful. Brent: What do you think 'Jackass' is? A tip of the hat?

Wanda: I'm tired of girls' nights being all frilly frou-frou crap. Why can't a girls' night have some nards to it? You heard me... nards!

Lacey: (to Hank) Richard? Your first name is Richard? Brent: Hey, yeah, Hank's first name starts with "R". (realization dawns) Oooh, Hank's first name starts with "R"! Lacey: Oh, no, this can't be happening! Hank: What's up with her? Brent: Oh, we were playing a game, and she just lost... big time!

Brent: Isn't that interesting? Hank's name starts with "R". Hank, a dark-haired, unemployed man, whose name starts with "R". Hank: Yeah, that is kind of interesting. Brent: If you think that's interesting... Lacey: Brent, no. Brent: Um, you're right. You tell it better. Lacey: Okay, you know what? Fine. It's not a big deal. I saw a tarot card reader, and she told me I was going to marry a dark-haired, unemployed guy whose name started with "R". You know, but that could be anybody! Hank: Yeah, it could be anybody. But it's obviously me! Woo hoo hoo!

Davis: Darkness Aloneness. Caught without my cell phoneness. Karen: What are you doing? Davis: Writing a poem to help me cope. Karen: Has it been two seconds? Three seconds, maybe? These are the words of Davis the Baby. Davis: Until you've spent more than ten seconds in a trunk, you've no right to add a stanza to my poem.

Hank: You know, you're pretty lucky, Lacey. You're probably thinking, 'How did I score so big? This guy's got a truck with a full tank of gas.' Lacey: It's just a stupid tarot card. Okay, I have free will, I could make any choice I want. Davis: Yeah, she could marry me. Lacey: No, your name has to start with "R".

Lacey: (to Hank) I'd like you to meet Roy. (to Roy) And Roy, what letter does your name start with? Roy: Are you serious? Lacey: "R".... "R". Hank: Oh, hey, mine too! I'm Hank.

(after Lacey's car breaks down) Lacey: Why did you call Hank? Wanda: He's yours now, you might as well use him for something, Mrs. Yarbo.

Lacey: Maybe... if Hank got a job... Karen: Oh, no! You're starting a shame spiral! I think I saw this on Oprah. Lacey: He keeps himself in shape, you know, he's got an all right body. Karen: Lacey! Snap out of it! It's Hank! He uses Chapstick as deodorant. Lacey: Well, there's worse people. Right? Karen: On death row, maybe.

Brent: Real classy, Hammerhead. Hank: I thought your Dad was Hammerhead. Brent: What? Did I just call you Hammerhead? Hank: Yeah, for no reason! Brent: There's plenty of reasons, Hammerhead. Dammit, I can't stop!

(reading Lacey's palm) Chuck: And then your plane crashes. Lacey: So I do get to leave Dog River. Chuck: And... catches fire, because no one knows how to use the fire extinguisher. Fire safety is important, not enough people take that seriously. (Karen mouths 'die alone') Chuck: Oh, and you die alone, without a husband, never married. Lacey: Oh, oh that is so great. I die in a fiery crash, but no Hank.

Emma: Karen, Davis just called and said he's stuck in the trunk and you'd know what that means. Karen: It means it's time to play poker!