Corner Gas

Lacey: Hey, isn't that the guy you like? The milk guy? Oh, it looks like the perfect moment to get his number. Wanda: Yeah, to a layman; but the perfect moment never appears as the perfect moment. Lacey : It doesn't? Wanda: No. There's always room for error.

Brent: Is Mom here? Oscar: No. Brent: 'Cause I kind of smell a lavender, or berry bouquet... did you hug Mom before you came here? Oscar: Why the hell would I do that?

(about Karen's drawing "Sleeping Cop") Lacey: Hey, would you mind if I hung that in The Ruby? I have got the perfect spot for it. (cut to: Wanda and Lacey in The Ruby, Wanda has just punched a hole in the wall) Wanda: Sorry about that. Lacey: Oh, it's all right, I'll just cover it up with a crappy picture or something. (cut back to present) Karen: I'd be honoured!

Wanda : Hey. (she and the Milk Guy smile nervously at each other) Joe: Wow, that's a dirty truck! Wanda : Sure is... I hate dirty things. I mean... unless you're into dirty things. I, I'm not saying that I am, but... I'm no prude. (she laughs; he looks puzzled)

(upon seeing Karen's picture, "Sleeping Cop") Davis: Hey, that cop is totally asleep! What a lazy cop! I shouldn't really laugh, it doesn't help the stereotypical image of police officers. Lacey: Uh, Davis, that's you. Davis: Oh, I don't think so. (Brent comes in and sits down, sees the sketch) Brent: Hey, Karen, great sketch of Davis sleeping. Lacey (to Davis): Yeah, she really captured your laziness.

Karen (to Davis): You spent an hour on duty sleeping in the car. Shameful. Brent (to Karen): Didn't you spend an hour on duty sketching him?

Oscar: This "Sleeping Davis" sketch is a hoot! How much do you want for it? Lacey: Oh, it's not for sale. Oscar: I'll give you ten bucks. Karen: Sold! (she takes down the picture, sees the hole in the wall and turns accusingly to Lacey) Lacey (acting surprised): Oh, wow! There's a hole there!

(everyone smells too much after shave, Brent thinks it's coming from Emma) Emma : Look, we all know that Hank put on too much after shave. Now it's time to leave him alone. Hank: Thanks, Emma. Emma: Shut up, Hank. (to Brent) And you, you should get your nose checked. Brent: Smoky bacon? Lacey : No, that's the soup. Brent: Oooh, I'll have that!

Karen: What are you doing? Davis: Standing at the ready, not sleeping. Waiting to help the good citizens of Dog River. Karen: In front of a field?

(about the second "Sleeping Davis" sketch) Lacey: This is my favourite "Sleeping Davis." Look at the sun glistening off the morning dew. Karen: That's drool. He's a deep sleeper.

Oscar: What the hell is this written on your truck? Hank: 'Pay taxes'? Oscar: No, the other thing. Hank: Oh, 'be more considerate to the elderly'? Oscar: No! Hank (yelling): Come on, old man, just tell me, I don't got all day!

(Hank's truck now says 'don't dont' wash me') Scout Leader: So you do want your truck washed! Hank: Jeez, you guys are like vultures! Scout: Someone smells pretty. Oscar (pointing at Hank): It's him!

(putting a "Sold" sign on "Sleeping Davis #2") Lacey: Wow, these things are really moving. You know, you should have a show here. Karen: Ah, you sure people have enough holes to cover up? Lacey : Karen, they don't have to be just to cover up holes. ...Cracks, dents, any blemish, really.

Wanda : Yeah, I was ah, just ah, just gonna ask you for your phone number, so I could give you a call some time. Hank (laughing): Oh-ho-ho, boy, did I arrive at the right time! Joe : I thought you didn't like me. Wanda: No, no, I like you. Hank : Like, you ~like~ like him? Huh? (Wanda gives Hank a purple nurple; he staggers off in pain)

(looking at Hank's newly clean truck) Wanda: Joe's number was on that truck. Hank: Relax, I backed everything up, wrote it all down. Wanda : Do not say 'on another dirty truck.' Hank: No, on a notepad, a real notepad. It's in my lock box. Wanda : I under-estimated you. Which I didn't think was possible.

Brent: Mom smells like Mom, Dad smells like Dad, this chili cheese dog smells like the way angels up in Heaven smell. My sniffer's working again!